The Hermit Life

Today I had to run an errand. It was a really short errand- seriously, like five minutes away, just returning my rented movies. But it seemed so daunting to me at the time, I almost didn't go do it. The only thing that got me to actually leave the house was the idea of getting some caffeine while I was out, because otherwise I knew I wouldn't be doing anything this afternoon.

It's weird because I can tell that I'm way more tired now than I was even two months ago. At that point I was walking my dog twice a day while doing four classes, and though it was challenging I wasn't struggling. I wasn't having energy issues from going up two flights of stairs either. I had more work than I do right now but I wasn't worried about it because I wasn't needing nearly as much rest. I was getting sick in pretty much the same way, and dealing with medication adjustment issues that I'm not dealing with anymore. So it's not just the fact that I have a virus hanging out in my nose at the moment.

And it's not just the low energy that's bothering me. Today I realized that I was a little depressed again. It took me a couple of hours to figure it out, because it's been awhile since the last time I was depressed. The caffeine took care of it, so I'm fine now, but it weirded me out. I was being all down on myself, which I haven't done since starting Remeron. I've decided not to worry about it unless it happens again in the near future, and to be on the lookout for it. I know that depression is dangerous and that both Xyrem and Remeron have the potential to cause it, so I'm not going to let it sneak up on me again. But it could have just been something I ate, so I'm not going to freak out quite yet.

But the tiredness is definitely worrying. Luckily I have an appointment with my neurologist in a couple of weeks, after the quarter ends. I'm definitely going to talk to him about it. Who knows, maybe he'll have a great idea for something we can try. Or he'll just tell me that it's the Narcolepsy, in which case I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and not worry about it so much. I'm hoping he has some suggestion though. You know you're in trouble when you're staying home 90% of the time from sheer lack of energy. At least the dog likes it.