Well, so much for feeling better. I was doing pretty good on Monday, optimistic about catching up and getting back to class this week. Then I woke up on Tuesday, feeling worse and once again with a fever. My digestive tract has been in more pain every day because of the antibiotic I was taking, and it was so bad this morning that I stopped taking it and called my doctor. I was dreading talking to her after the unfortunate appointment last week during which she blamed me for getting sick again. It turned out that she didn't even talk to me, just got her nurse to call in a different antibiotic since the one I was on was obviously doing more harm than good.
Meanwhile, I missed my Tuesday class, which is my fun class this quarter. And I'm having no luck trying to accomplish the homework for my really hard Friday class. It's to the point where I had to email the professor (again) and explain that I'm still feeling really bad and that I don't know if I can turn it in. Unfortunately I think I'm stuck going to class tomorrow and Friday because if I have to miss again I'll be pretty much screwed. And who knows if the new antibiotic will have kicked in by then or not.
I was seriously considering dropping one or two of my classes. But then I found out that I can't do that now without paying for them anyway, plus I know that next week when I'm finally feeling better I'm going to need something to do. It would suck to drop them only to get better and have to wait the rest of the quarter to try again.
Besides all that, I take my responsibilities very seriously and refuse to give them up without a fight. I was raised to be a really responsible and dependable person, and I'm very proud of this fact. It's very hard for me to not go to a class, even when I'm way too sick to go, simply because I know I'm supposed to be there. Asking for extensions is even more difficult for me because I've always been proud of my ability to get every assignment done no matter what. So when I can't physically do something because I'm too sick, even though I know it isn't actually my fault at all, it just really hurts.
Here's to hoping I can survive the rest of the week.
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I was raised the same way and can totally relate to what you're saying about responsibility. Its super hard not to be too hard on yourself, but try to cut yourself a little slack. Good luck with your classes and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteDitto for me. It kills me when my narcolepsy, or my sinuses, or my bowel issues, or my drugs, or my anxiety prevent me from doing things. I am getting better at letting go, but the pain is still so real and raw. I am reading this a week and a half after you posted it, and I dearly hope that your health has improved!
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