The Inevitable

So I've been toying with the idea of blogging for awhile now. I'm definitely self-centered enough (no offense intended to other bloggers- I'm only speaking for myself here) and have many issues that I need to work out. Plus I like writing, freaking people out and joking about stuff that technically isn't funny. What stopped me from doing it before (except for one long trip, which I knew people would be interested in reading about) was the fact that my life is basically a. sleeping, b. complaining, and c. cooking even though I hate cooking. And I was like, no one wants to read about me struggling through life because my immune system has an attitude problem. But then while searching around online I came across other people blogging about similar things, really got into reading them, and it ocurred to me that maybe there is, in fact, an audience for this. Even if it is just me, haha.

As you might have guessed, I have a huge backstory. Which I'm totally not interested in typing up in one post or even several. So I've basically decided to just drop bits of backstory whenever I feel like. Otherwise the first posts would be way too much work and require too much energy to accomplish, which, if you know much about either of my illnesses, I do not have much of a supply of. By the way that was the worst sentence ever. But whatever. It's late for me (9 pm) therefore I do not promise coherence. To drop a vague summary on you- kid with awesome life hits puberty, gets totally screwed for 7 years, gets diagnosed for awhile, gets medicated, and then eventually (three years-ish later) realizes that she is still screwed and may in fact always be screwed. And here I am now.

I've spent the last three years adjusting my meds around and adding or subtracting them. At this point I'm about to get up to the highest dosage I can of the only combination that even vaguely works. I'm raising my Xyrem again tonight, which for me will mean almost a month of general sleep cycle madness before I settle out and get to see if I can come out of this with enough energy to have a life- or don't, in which case I need to do some serious life plan rethinking. But I'm not going to cross that bridge till I come to it. For anyone who for some reason decides to read this, the next few weeks means you get to hear about whatever nasty dreams, hallucinations while paralyzed, upset stomach nonsense and fun medication-caused anxiety I get to to experience. I'm pretty used to the routine by now- raise the dose, go crazy for two or three weeks, settle out and feel quite a bit better. There is a good reason I take this medication despite the crap that happens when I change doses- it does vastly improve life. But that's a story for another day, when I'm not getting rambly because it's almost my bedtime.