Tired, Not Lazy

Today was just one of those days.

I thought I had slept reasonably well- I didn't remember any dreams when I woke up, which is usually a good sign because it means I didn't spend all night in creepy REMland. But I quickly realized I had way less energy today. Which would have been okay because I only had two quick errands to run, if it weren't for the pest control guy.

Periodically we have the outside of our house sprayed to keep out the bugs, and the guy who does it is really very nice. He also likes to chat. I think he really does just have an interest in people and what they're doing, which is fine. But he tends to send off an endless line of rapid-fire questions that actually require thought to answer, which I was not up for today. He had parked behind my car when I went out to run my errands, so I couldn't leave until he did, and he hadn't talked to me for a long time, so of course he started interrogating me about the last four or so years. It took all of my remaining energy just to process questions and come up with answers that didn't make me sound like a total moron. And they kept coming- so what are you doing now? Taking classes? Is that all? You mean you don't have a job or anything?

Not feeling like explaining my illnesses to yet another clueless person, I kept brushing him off this line of questions until he finally changed the subject. And eventually left, thank god. But at that point I was beat. I ran my errands and came home and crashed. I didn't get up off the couch until dinner.

It also bothered me because it seems like a conversation I keep having over and over. It just drives me completely crazy that I'm supposed to be doing so much at once all the time. When I visit relatives, it's always "Just school? Why aren't you working? Why don't you have a boyfriend? Well what else are you doing?" and I just get sick of it. Yeah, I have illnesses that slow me down a huge amount, but frankly I've decided that no one, healthy or otherwise, should have this crazy fast-paced schedule that doesn't give them a chance to slow down. It's just insane. But because that's what people expect, that's what I did for years even though my body just couldn't handle it. And now that I've finally started living a healthier way everyone thinks I'm a total slacker. I'm not making this up- my best friend keeps trying to set me up with part time jobs, and no matter how much I explain to my dad that I'm exhausted, he just doesn't think I'm doing enough unless I'm taking a full load of classes- which I can barely manage most quarters. And he gives me a hard time for lying on the couch as if resting is a waste of my time. Even my mom, who has way more health issues than I do, is working full time and travelling all over the country- and getting sicker and sicker. Soon it's going to come to a point where she'll have to quit. And then, when I confide in her my misgivings about working, she tells me I'll be fine. Thanks, mom. XD

And you know, maybe I will be fine. If people would stop hassling me about how I choose to spend what little energy I have. I don't expect them to relate or even understand- just stop acting like I'm the laziest person on Earth for not juggling eight things at once. I have enough self-esteem issues without any help, thank you. XD

I hate to end on such a complain-y note, so to make up for it I'm going to insert an adorable picture of my rediculously cute dog:


I hope that helps. XD Haha. Just look at that face.