Needle Scare

Tonight I feel like I've been run over by a freight train. So we'll see how coherent this turns out.

Looking back on it, it wasn't that busy a day. Stressful maybe, but not busy. I didn't do all that much really. But it does go to show how easily I can get screwed by a not so great night's sleep.

The dream started out pretty cool, actually. I was in Japan with my mom, and we went to this shrine where there was a festival going on. We had fun looking at all the nice crafty stuff people were selling, and it looked pretty authentically shrine festival-y except for the absence of lots of sketchy food. I can't really blame my brain for leaving that bit out. We were looking at the jewelry, especially the earrings, and a Japanese woman came up and started talking to me in Japanese, which I managed to keep up with pretty well. She was asking all the typical questions, like how long were we there for, did we come for business or sightseeing, etc etc. The woman talked to my mom in English a little bit though it was difficult for her. Then we parted ways, but apparently we kept seeing the same woman every time we went to the festival (which was three times at least, during the week or two we were there). We did other things around Tokyo but always came back. Then it was our last day there and we talked to the woman for awhile again. And when she left I was sad because she had been really nice and I knew we were about to leave. Then I turned and started looking at books, and ended up picking one up and starting to read it. At that point my dream took a nosedive into extreme creepiness as I read this super-disturbing book that I will spare you the details of, and then I was in the main character's head and things got so scary that I ended up waking up paralyzed, nauseated, staring at my bookshelf and thinking it was someone coming to get me. I slowly realized where I was and it took so much effort to drag my mind away from that horrible dream. I spent awhile fighting to keep my eyelids open. Eventually I gave up and just turned my light on and went back to sleep.

I don't remember dreaming after that, but I woke up earlier than usual and feeling like total crap. I didn't accomplish much this morning. One reason was that I spent most of breakfast having a panic attack, my first one in a long time. I had a pretty good reason though. I had my CT scan today, and was dreading them injecting me with the contrast.

I've mentioned before that I have a pretty bad needle phobia. If you come near me with one, I will cry histerically for awhile. And I was already overloaded from yesterday, when I was at the mall and decided I was going to take the plunge and get my ears pierced. I had decided recently that that would be the first step in any attempt to conquer my needle phobia, since I really like earrings and being able to wear them would be a good reward for being brave and putting up with that same sharp pain that I'm pretty sure is the root of my fear.

Overall I'm glad I did it. It hurt like hell and was really scary, and if my mom hadn't been there I seriously would have fled at the last minute. I'm still not over it though. Besides the pain association, I hate the feeling of having the needle under my skin. And I'm discovering that that same feeling, minus the pain, is what it feels like to have earrings going through my ears. I think feeling that continuously for at least six weeks will be good for me in the long run, because once I'm used to it I may not mind needles as much. But this morning it just added to my growing panic about the scan.

Once the panic attack had run its course I was too exhausted to do much. I talked to friends and then ate lunch, and then it was time to head out.

I got there really early, and then was super nervous and anxious about the needles for the half hour plus that I was sitting in the waiting room. I just wanted to get up and leave. I realized later I really should have brought someone with me. Finally I got called in.

And found out that because I had alerted them to my propensity to be allergic to stuff, they didn't need to inject me with anything. I was actually kind of annoyed, lol, because I had gone through so much. But it was a relief. And it was pretty cool. The machine was massive, and there was stuff inside it spinning around and making wooshing noises. The lady who did my scan was very nice. So it worked out.

Now I have films with cool and creepy pictures of stuff inside my head. You can see bits of my skull and stuff. Awesome!

I spent the rest of my day on the couch, completely worn out. My dad came home and took me to dinner and then grocery shopping. I took a nap as soon as we got back, and I've been on my way out since. I exercised my dog on the treadmill while trying really hard not to nod off while sitting up in a chair. It's not even my bedtime yet and I'm ready to crash.