Slow Time

I somehow survived a long class today. I was worn out because of how hard I pushed myself yesterday. Plus, when I use caffeine to get through something, the next day is always harder. Yesterday I needed bubble tea to have the energy to figure out and finish my project, which worked well, but I started today on empty as a result. Luckily I was able to walk my dog on the treadmill again, this time while I sat next to it instead of standing up. I'm so glad I decided to try that because my dog is awesome and it works. A nap during a break in the middle of class also helped, but driving home was nerve-wracking and required very loud music and blasting air conditioning.

Today in my class people were going on about how fast this term is going by and how they can't believe it's already after midterms. But it seems like the opposite for me. Time crawls by, and at the end of the day it feels like I've been up for a week. I don't know if it's another weird Narcolepsy thing, an exhaustion thing or if it's just me.

For about ten years now, my perception of time has been off. Time used to fly by for me sometimes, and was normal speed the rest of the time, until I hit high school. During my freshman year, at the same time I started to get really sick, time began to slow way down. At first I assumed it had to do with how busy and stressed out I was, because high school was a lot harder. I would look forward to breaks only to have them take what seemed like years to arrive. As my health problems kicked in even more and my life became a hazy, exhausting battle to survive, days began to seem like weeks, weeks like months and months like years.

This was agonizing to me because at that point in my life I was constantly focused on making it to the next step. It took me most of college to change my attitude and learn to appreciate the day I'm in right now. At this point I'm pretty relaxed about the whole thing. I just go with the flow and do whatever I can manage at the moment, and though I still think and worry a lot about the future I no longer waste brain space wishing it was tomorrow already. And I just smile and nod when people say they can't believe it's already Thursday or August or 2009 or whenever. I still get regularly surprised when I'm remembering something from this morning and realize that no, it wasn't last week, it is in fact still the same day.

Speaking of classes, I had an online class that was about to start, and initially didn't want to but decided to drop it. I'm barely making it right now and really don't think I need a fourth class on top of everything else. Oh yeah, and I did manage to schedule my CAT scan at the new place for Monday afternoon. Pretty pictures... muahahaha.