Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Corpse Ghost New Apartment Foster Family

It's been awhile since the last time I didn't have some sort of vivid dream interrupting my sleep, but last night was crazy.

The first one was a nightmare. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before now that dead bodies, especially rotting ones, seriously freak me out- it's like some bizarre phobia I have. In this dream I was still living with my parents, indefinitely, with no hope of moving out, which was an awful feeling I had for the year and a half after college. That feeling made the dream that much worse. So my parents had just moved into a different new house and I had come with them. It was a bit of an improvement- there was more space for me and my room had better lighting. Everything was kind of weird though. The walls were all painted red and had East Asian style details- including a really cool dragon statue attached to the wall between two rooms. The layout was very confusing and didn't make sense, so I kept getting lost even though it was a small house. In the middle of it there was a tiny courtyard with a young tree and a small patch of grass where my dachshund could do his business. At first I really like it out there- a small enclosed bit of the outdoors where I could be outside without being in public. I started spending more and more time out there and thinking this house really wasn't so bad. That's when the visions started- it felt exactly how it does when I'm hallucinating while asleep (which I'm sure I was), only inside the dream it would happen when I was awake and I would have to stop and wait for it to finish before I could see anything again. The flashes of images would come as I entered the courtyard. I started to get really scared because I realized a ghost was sending me memories and I suspected there was a body buried in the courtyard. The patch of grassy area was exactly the right size, and my dog liked to sniff it a lot- it was hard to get him to leave. This totally freaked me out because of my phobia. I started to avoid the courtyard and take my dog to a park instead. This worked for awhile until he started to dig tunnels. I would turn my back for a second and he would disappear underground and it would take yelling to get him to come back out. It's kind of hilarious because the tunnels were perfectly round, as if made by a giant worm, even though it was a dog supposedly digging them. Meanwhile, as the visions started getting stronger, my fears were confirmed- the ghost wanted me to dig up the body so that its murderer could be found, and I kept telling it that I couldn't because I was terrified. It started to get angrier and angrier and my terror got overpowering. I was afraid to let the dog go anywhere near the courtyard now that he was digging so much. It was getting harder to come up with excuses to my parents and they started to wonder what was going on. The dream ended with me trying to get ready to leave to go somewhere with my parents while having a vision showing me the rotting bones while I kept having to run outside and grab my dog because he had somehow escaped out there and was digging. I started to panic and that woke me up.

In the next dream I had, my girlfriend and I had just reached our new apartment with all of our stuff- in the dream we didn't have dogs- and were figuring out where to put our furniture. Our apartment had one room and was a really strange layout- there was a fireplace and chimney in the middle, and so many cabinets on the walls it was hard to figure out where to put furniture. We were really happy to be there and enjoying figuring it out though. I looked out the window at the view- it was really high up over a city at night- and it was amazing so I walked over to the sliding glass doors to see how the porch was. It was a tiny porch with really flimsy-looking railing. I made the mistake of looking down over it to discover we were about 100 floors up. I got serious vertigo and a stab of fear. That's what woke me up.

The last dream was interesting- I was a teenage boy (lol) who was meeting his foster parents for the first time. They were a really nice couple with a very strange house and really cool furniture. The man was big and gangly and bald, and really sweet. His wife was short and incredibly smart and had flowing reddish-brown hair. They were very welcoming and my thoughts (as the kid) were that this really might not be so bad. The house was really weird- there were windows (without glass) in the inside walls, including my bedroom, so even if I locked the door I didn't really have privacy- but neither did anybody else. The bathrooms were both really bizarre; one of them had a giant marble tub raised up in it, with a toilet literally hidden underneath a lid next to it. The other bathroom had two toilets and two sinks randomly without stalls or anything- just in the middle of the room. The main room of the house had random stairs everywhere and was a crazy shape- the walls were at weird angles and were varying sizes. The place was filled with ornately carved furniture from all over the world. I spent awhile admiring everything. There was a glass case full of shiny little statues and a mobile made of origami cranes, several really old-looking round tables, and tons of chairs (no two were the same). I ate dinner with my new parents and several of their relatives and then went to bed watching the tv in my bedroom. That's when I woke up. What a night.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Totally Drained

What a crazy weekend. My girlfriend and I flew to my home state of Texas so she could go to a job fair for teachers there. I don't know if I've mentioned on here (since I've been neglecting my blog horribly) that we've decided to move there in July. We made that decision based on a number of things, including the fact that if we stayed up north for another winter I might freeze into a human popsicle, but also because she's ready for somewhere new and different to live. And my hometown has the advantage of lots of connections (I have a huge extended family), parental support, and lots of school districts for her to apply to. So far we've found one summer school and five full time job openings there and she's applied to all of them. We were a little worried about when we could start apartment hunting since we may not know if she's hired until the summer, until we looked things up and crunched some numbers and realized that actually she could support us by being a substitute teacher if she doesn't get any of the other jobs. We would still rather for sure be okay, however, so we went down for the job fair, figuring it might give her an edge on her first choice full time position.

We left on Friday and said goodbye to our cats, dogs and horses. My girlfriend's mom looked after them while we were gone. The trip there went fine and we got to catch up with my parents (who I hadn't seen since January). It was really, really good to see them. On Saturday my girlfriend went to the job fair, which was pretty intimidating but went well. Apparently it was packed with people. She left her resume with a bunch of schools, even though only one in that district was hiring for English, so if something opens up they might remember her.

Right after that we went to look at an apartment complex that we found online. It's affordable but really nice and has great outdoor spaces for the dogs- and us- to enjoy. We liked it a lot and found out they had the perfect apartment available. It's exactly the right size for us and the perfect layout- it even has a well-lit space for my art desk. Plus it's on the ground floor, which was important because stairs are exhausting for me. They only allow two pets, which at first made me unhappy. But my girlfriend made the point that our cats could stay with her mom until our third college roommate could take them. She's their favorite person on the planet, and loves cats more than anything. So I think it will work out. The more I think about it, the more I realize that being in charge of two cats and two dogs during the day has been pretty exhausting. As much as I love them, I think our friend could take better care of our cats, leaving me with more energy to enjoy being with the dogs. The apartment has been put on hold for us and we're filling out the application tonight. It's very exciting and takes a load of my mind that we have someplace to live lined up.

After that we went and visited one of my high school friends briefly, then went out to dinner with my parents. By the time we got back to their house we were both flattened. Even though I slept in during the job fair, I still way overdid it on Saturday. But it was worth it for how much we got to do and it was our only day there after all.

On Sunday I woke up with no energy whatsoever. My mom drove us to the airport in the morning. I spent the wait for our flight in a total daze, and my girlfriend wasn't any better off- she had eaten something at the restaurant that bothered her stomach and felt nasty the whole way home. Even after sitting on the plane and napping for most of the three hour flight, I was so tired I was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other when we got off the plane. Then, to make things even better, we got lost looking for the train. It took most of a Starbucks tea to wake me up enough just to walk. Eventually we found the train. I slept. We got on a bus to the parking lot where our car was. When we finally reached it we still had over another hour of driving to do to get to the middle of nowhere where we live. My girlfriend needed caffeine in order to drive because she was so tired. We made it back after a stop at the grocery store (since we had no food at home). The dogs were in the front yard and very happy to see us. We went to bed early.

Yesterday I didn't feel any better. I was so tired I couldn't do any cleaning- I just read a book all day, or slept. I didn't feel up to doing the stairs, but my girlfriend's mom helped me by putting the dogs outside. I fell asleep on the table several times. The cats didn't mind; they were very clingy because they were happy I was back. I stayed upstairs all day.

Today I'm definitely still recovering. I've been able to do some cleaning, though, and I haven't been falling asleep when I'm concentrating on staying awake. I can do the stairs again, just not quite as much as usual. I'm looking forward to living somewhere without stairs. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal amount of lack of energy tomorrow.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

A Poetry Phase? You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Apparently I'm going through a poetry writing phase. Of all things to happen to me, this is really, really weird. I'm pretty much used to my brain throwing weird stuff at me at this point, but a poetry phase tops it all. Let's start at the beginning, shall we?

I have a very staunch history of hating poetry, starting in the eighth grade when I was completely traumatized during an entire poetry unit. My English teacher made us analyze and write poetry until I was totally sick of it, and I was terrible at it which didn't help. It was horrible- I wrote so many obviously sucky poems, with no idea how to come up with anything better, and the worst (and now, most amusing) part was our final project. We had to write several poems and write five paragraph essays analyzing them. I have very amusing memories of going over to my best friend's house right before it was due and trying very hard to come up with something that you could concievably write five paragraphs about. What I ended up with was (something like) the following:

I hate homework,
It's not any fun,
I hate homework,
I can't get it done.

And then I proceeded to write five paragraphs (very short ones, mind you), throwing in as many devices from my list as I could possibly pretend were there in an attempt to not fail the unit. And I got a pretty crappy grade, but it was kind of impressive it wasn't any worse and believe me, it wasn't from lack of trying.

Ever since I've had a sort of automatic "UGH!" reaction any time anyone says the word "poetry". I didn't go near it again until my senior year of high school, when I finally had a good English teacher. I was still beyond me, however- I failed multiple essays because I completely missed the point of whatever we were supposed to analyze. So to me, poetry has always been something to avoid at all costs. Not something for me to be writing out of the blue- all the time.

It may have been about a month ago when it started trying to seep out of me. I was writing a note to my girlfriend and thought it would be funny to make up a poem from our notoriously emo black cat's point of view. So I wrote a ridiculous-on-purpose angsty cat poem. The next day I thought it would be funny for our other cat to write something, and ended up writing something from our big dog about our little dog, too. It seemed like a pretty funny joke. But I'd started creating a monster without realizing it yet.

My girlfriend, being the biggest English nerd on the planet, has a bunch of books about writing and how to get started with it. We started reading one and doing the activities as something amusing to do in the evenings to relax. So one night the activity was to write for ten minutes about anything and not be bound by any rules other than the time limit. You were just supposed to follow your stream of thought and see where it would go. My girlfriend ended up with a pretty long and complete short story that, once started in that ten minutes, consumed the rest of her spring break because it was so desperate to get on paper. I ended up with poetry. The first couple sucked a lot- even I could tell that. But then, once I got going, it got pretty cool. It shouldn't surprise anyone that it ended up mostly about narcolepsy and occasionally about horrible creepy things. Go figure.

And I haven't been able to stop since then. At least a couple come out every day, mostly about whatever is going on at the time- our animals, food, or things I have trouble with because I have narcolepsy. I'm still pretty weirded out by the whole poetry thing, but who knows... I might as well go with it.

Here are the ones I have so far that I actually like. Feel free to criticize- I have no idea what's actually good and what actually kind of sucks, though I'm finding I can usually tell when something really sucks. I'll spare y'all those. Oh, and they don't have titles, and they're all one stanza (apparently), so the spaces separate different ones- don't read it as one thing. And lastly, I officially apologize to anyone who hates poetry as much as I (usually) do, lol.

About narcolepsy:

I'm sleepy
Thoughts drifting
On an open-window-breeze
Flowing gently back and forth
A breath of a storm
Something dark lurks, waiting
As my consciousness drifts, helpless
Airy, feathered
The hidden monster
Deep teeth
Ready to spring and consume
To drown
In fear
In dreams
Tail lashing
Forked tongue lashing
Striking without warning
From floating comes sinking
Down into depths
Feeling like oceans
Cold clinging
No escape

Come flowing
Tripping, dripping
Dipping into my memory
For meaning
Under rocks
Behind bushes
Inside streams
Among fish
Fishing for words
Encased in ice
In little huts on a lonely lake
In winter
Not my season for words

In my head
Thoughts slip through
Unbidden, fall away
Become nothing
Are lost.
I cannot recall them.
They are gone.
But perhaps
There will be new thoughts
And that is enough.


Waiting, impatiently
Aroma wafting my way
I fidget, lick lips
Hungry for trying the latest
Sitting, bored, writing
To pass the time
Until it is cool
And tongue is not burned
Mysterious orange sauce

Sleeping cats
Rise and fall
Of fuzzy chest
Fluffy tail
Dark ear
Together a yin yang
A balance
Light and Dark
Male and Female
Entwined in peace
In their forms
You can see Love

Other stuff:

Shard of wood burning
Intense blue
So yellow it's white
Glowing within
Like those eyes

Thunder screaming
Shouting its words
Raining its tears
Choking the sky
The ground, the earth
Nourishing, hunting
Crashes against ears
Of all shapes and sizes

So there you have it. Weird poetry from me! And there will probably be more. Be afraid! Be very afraid...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Vampire Attack Technology Fair

I've been dreaming a lot lately, but it's been pretty fragmented. Most of the dreams I've had the past couple of weeks could be reduced to one or two lines. But last night was different- back to the usual intense, vivid experience.

I've been reading a fantasy novel about vampires sneaking up on people, so my first dream isn't really a surprise. It started out really fun, actually- I was one of the vampires and I had cool powers and I was running around feeding on people. I could see perfectly in the dark, suddenly appear or disappear and run really fast. I was also pretty high-ranking, so I had a couple other vampires under my command. I could manipulate them any way I wanted. That part was entertaining because I knew I was dreaming, so I knew I wasn't actually hurting anyone. Then I woke up from that dream. I was in the bedroom of my old house- the one I grew up in and where most of my nightmares take place. I sat up in my bed, thinking about the cool dream I just had. Suddenly I realized my leg hurt really, really bad and felt wet. It was literally throbbing with pain. I pulled off my pajama pants and looked. Right in the inside of my thigh was two round holes, bleeding profusely. The blood was intensely vivid red. It hurt so bad and I was terrified. I knew vampires didn't exist and I had only been dreaming, so I concluded that someone had seen me reading a novel about vampires and decided to sneak into my room and stab me while I was asleep (much more plausible, right?). So I started peering out my large windows, trying to make sure no one was out there, waiting for me to go to sleep again. I couldn't see anything, so I tried closing the blinds so they at least wouldn't be able to see me. Of course it wasn't working and I was having a hard time with my vision all of a sudden. I groped around trying to make sure I was still alone in the room, lashing out if I saw movement in case someone was about to grab me. Evidently I was the only one in the house, so I couldn't call for help. I got very scared until my neck froze up and struggling to move it woke me up into reality.

After being held for awhile and another dose of Xyrem, I did get back to sleep. This time I had a much more entertaining and fun dream. I was at some sort of technology fair where people were playing with trampolines that were video games. You would bounce and push different parts of the trampoline with your feet and hands and it would light up in different colors. Some trampolines had maps on them and you could bounce from place to place to score points. Many of my friends and relatives were there, from my dad to high school friends to people I barely knew in college. I spent most of the time playing with the games and being surprisingly not self conscious for being in so large a crowd. After that we went to a cafeteria for lunch and I realized I didn't have any food with me. Luckily I managed to locate quesadillas that happened to be gluten-free and a sandwich I could take the bread off of and just eat the inside. In real life contamination issues probably would have gotten me, but in the dream it turned out fine and I was proud of myself for being so social and adaptable. And I want one of those trampolines lol.