Life lesson #1 learned in the past two months: moving four times in two months is a Bad Plan. Let me chart this out for you:
Step 1: Rental house in Iowa to RV park in Minnesota in order to escape sewage leak making us ill (half of houseful of stuff into RV, half into parents' house in Wisconsin). Two humans, two cats, two dogs, six potted plants.
Step 2: After job ends, drive RV back to Wisconsin, thinking we can live in the driveway until we can move into the downstairs of the house (which involves major work because we have to move my in-laws upstairs so we can be downstairs and I can therefore vaguely function in theory without expending all of my energy going up and down stairs).
Step 3: We find out there isn't enough power for air conditioning in the RV, and it's 95. I attempt to live in the RV anyway. but keep having to use the guest room upstairs because my dogs are overheating. The cats had to move inside immediately. Meanwhile, my fiance is driving a friend around the country for an entire week, which means it's me going up and down stairs trying to keep everyone alive and quickly burning out.
Step 4: While living with my dogs in the RV when it finally cools off enough, I find myself getting really sick with cold-like symptoms. My fiance gets back, roadtrip done, and it occurs to me that I feel worst while in the RV, which, because of lack of running water, we haven't been able to clean or empty the tanks of for two weeks. And so we move completely into the upstairs guest room, severely limiting what I can do.
The Result: I only have two or three roundtrips every day on the stairs before I'm unable to muster the energy to go up or down anymore, which means I have to think carefully to plan everything and my fiance has to do almost all the work taking dogs outside or cooking (formerly jobs I was proud I could do). Meanwhile, when we're upstairs the dogs are unhappy and have to be crated because we're living in a maze of box piles and it isn't safe for them to roam. When we're downstairs, the cats stand on the stairs and meow piteously the entire time we aren't up with them until everyone in the house wants to commit kitty murder. The result of this is two constantly stressed out and puking cats, my dachshund having diarrhea and needing no less than four bathroom breaks during the night, which my fiance has to do because I can't go up or down at all at night or I will fall on my face. I keep running out of food because I can't keep track of what we have since I can't go in the kitchen whenever I want to, I can't keep anything clean because a) everyone's throwing up and b) there are piles of laundry everywhere and boxes and everything I need is always on the other goddamned floor. When I'm downstairs, there's access to the outside for dogs so I can actually take care of my dachshund's needs, but there's nowhere for me to lie down. Meanwhile, I'm ill, my fiance is having a tough period and is emotionally a wreck (he hates them more and more as time goes by), we're discussing hormone treatment and arranging lots of doctor's appointments as we're trying to help my mother-in-law very slowly move ten years worth of stuff upstairs while trying to get my father-in-law to at least think about moving the furniture sometime this century, and it's still like everyone except me is dragging their feet. Which, if switching the house around had been my idea, I could understand- I never would have asked to take over the master bedroom because even if I need it, it's their house, they get first dibs, no question from me. But my in-laws, the ones dragging their feet because something is always coming up, were the ones who convinced me that it would be good to live on the first floor, leaving me in this ungodly in-between state. And over all I'm glad they did, because it will make my life possible instead of physically impossible. In theory, even the animals will like it better. If, you know, they can keep any food down for the next month as nothing continues to happen, I keep getting stuck on floors, my fiance has to do everything and I have to try to live in a giant forest of boxes with all of my stuff spread out over three different floors, waiting.
Showing posts with label pets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pets. Show all posts
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
Disability Daily Activities Worksheet- My Answers
As mentioned in my last post, I've decided to take the long road of applying for disability in order to get insurance and hopefully a small amount of income. I'm still researching the process with my mom's help, so don't have a lot to tell you about it yet, but we found a worksheet that I've filled out explaining my condition. The form itself is copywritten, so I'm just going to copy and paste my answers to the questions to avoid getting in trouble.
So, here's more about my inability to work due to my severe narcolepsy... hopefully it helps someone to relate or understand. If you want the actual form, it's from http://www.disabilityfacts.com .
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1. TYPICAL MONTH. Please state how many good, fair, and bad days you have each month. (Consider a month to be 30 continuous days.)
a. Good Days -- days when you do well and complete all living and home care activities.
Total good days a month: 1 or 2
b. Fair Days -- days when you function with serious difficulty and fail to complete some living and home care activities. Total fair days in a month: about 21
c. Bad Days -- days when you function very poorly and fail to complete most living and home care activities. Total bad days a month: 4 or 5
d. In your own words please describe how the bad days and fair days are worse than the good ones.
On a good day, I can be mentally focused on productive activities for much of the day as long as I spend a lot of the day lying down. I will need to take a nap in the middle of the day for ten or twenty minutes and caffeinated tea might be required to keep me going. On fair days, that is, most of the time, I can do maybe one hour of activity before I need to lie down and take a break, and by the afternoon I have to stop all activity for the rest of the day as I’ve run out of energy. On a bad day, walking to another room exhausts me and I can’t do anything besides rest. If I try to push past and do things anyway, I end up bungling them up and needing to spend the entirety of the next day recovering.
e. Are there days when you don't go out because of your health? If yes, how many days a month does your health keep you in?
I stay in most of the time as my partner works and I can’t drive (I choose not to drive a car because I know I’m not awake enough to be a safe driver). In a typical month, I may have the energy to take my dogs on a short walk maybe 5 of the days if I’m lucky. Otherwise I only leave with my partner to run errands, during which I have trouble holding conversations without falling asleep and often leave the thinking and shopping up to J. Without my spouse, I would not feel safe leaving the house due to lack of alertness.
f. Compared with a year ago, are you functioning: Better? Worse? About the same?
I’ve been steadily getting worse for the past four years, after medication stopped working for me, even though I remained on it until a year ago when the side effects made it impossible for me to keep taking it.
2A. Do you have serious difficulty taking care of any personal needs, including the following, due to your medical condition?
Bathing, Shaving, Hair care, Dressing, Eating, Using the toilet, Getting to the toilet
I can manage these fine as long as I pace myself and only do one thing at a time.
Using stairs
Stairs have always been exhausting for me and I’ve learned to avoid them as much as possible. Going up or down just one flight makes me too tired to stand or walk much when I get to the other side. If I am forced to live in a house with stairs (which happens when visiting relatives for short or long term) I end up trapped on one floor, mustering the energy to go up or down only when in dire need (like when I get really hungry or need to go to bed).
Holding onto objects
I can do this fine when feeling my most awake, but the more tired or sleepy I am, the more I drop things that I pick up or knock things over while trying to reach for something. My hand-eye coordination is terrible.
Understanding/following instructions
I have a hard time with this; I usually have to ask for repeats, and sometimes I still forget before I can accomplish the task. Conversations of any kind are frustrating, exhausting and nerve-wracking for me, especially with people who I don’t know well or who don’t know I have narcolepsy.
Making decisions
When given several days or weeks, I’m excellent at making decisions, but any faster than that I panic because my mind works too slowly. I also easily overlook important factors in the decision and usually need to be reminded of them repeatedly. Even seemingly small or unimportant decisions are hard for me to make quickly; they still jamb my brain.
Doing things on time
Having deadlines is difficult for me because I never know when I’m going to have a bad day, so despite my best efforts, when I was in school I would often need extensions on projects. I have had enough trouble completing the work and keeping up on assignments that I have had to drop classes before, and this is one reason I don’t take any classes anymore.
Finishing things
I always finish what I start. The only thing is that it may take twice as long as someone else, sometimes months or years, because I have to pace myself and do a little bit at a time.
Using the telephone
I hate using the phone and my spouse does all of my “business” calls for me. I tend to fall asleep and have trouble keeping up with whomever I’m talking to, or I forget why I was calling in the first place, or I don’t remember a key piece of information. I remember visual information way better than audio, which tends to go in one ear and out the other, even when I’m concentrating. I only make casual phone calls, because my friends and family know about my condition and I don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed because they understand why I fall asleep or stop making sense while talking to them.
Personal business/finance
I can do any of this that doesn’t involve talking to people as long as I choose my more alert moments to do things like pay bills or check online accounts. Something that takes longer, like taxes, really takes my energy and I have to hand it over to my spouse when I get too tired to continue.
Caring for others
My spouse and I have four pets who I care for, though I often need help from J in order to get all of the chores done, and on bad days, he has to do everything and I can only provide companionship for them.
Visiting people, Shopping
During these activities I almost always end up napping (no matter how short an errand), whether leaning on a shopping cart or on my spouse on a friend’s couch. Whenever we shop, we get in and out quickly in order to get me back to where I can lie down. I don’t enjoy shopping with other people because I get tired from standing up and it loses its fun long before my friends get tired. When visiting people, I prefer sitting and talking informally or watching a movie because walking around is too taxing to do for fun.
Getting places
As stated earlier, I don’t drive or feel comfortable leaving my house without my spouse’s assistance. If I lived near a train or subway system I think I could handle that, especially if accompanied, but I don’t currently.
Recreation, Hobbies
I draw cartoons and make nature-themed crafts, but this is another activity that I can do for an hour at the most before I need to lie down and not move for awhile. Otherwise I find myself falling asleep on my sketchbook and making simple mistakes in everything I attempt. Because of this and the other chores I need to do every day, I only get to draw a couple of times a week and often don’t do crafts more than two or three times a month. Even reading a book requires me to be awake enough to resist falling asleep while I’m trying to absorb information and I have to limit my time doing that as well.
Group activities, like church or clubs
I avoid groups because it is hard for me to keep track of one or two people talking, much less more people than that. I have no intention of trying to meet people in this way.
Other activities? Describe:
Driving
I used to drive despite my condition because at first, I didn’t understand how much harder it is for me than others, and then later it was the only option for me before I moved in with my spouse. I can and will drive in an emergency for a short distance, but I don’t feel comfortable in any traffic and am terrified of highways because I can’t make the split-second decisions necessary to stay safe. I lack depth perception because of my constantly sleepy state and therefore find it incredibly difficult to tell distance between myself and other cars. This makes parking nearly impossible because I can’t tell how much space is between parked cars or if I have room to turn into. I don’t feel safe driving at speeds over 25 mph. Additionally, driving takes so much concentration for me to avoid a collision that when I reach my destination I immediately fall asleep and am too exhausted to accomplish what I needed to get there to do.
2B. Do you prepare or serve meals? If so, what meals do you do?
I have Celiac disease and soy intolerance in addition to narcolepsy, and therefore must prepare all of my meals myself or have them prepared by someone who knows how to avoid ingredients that make me ill.
(a) Breakfast. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I heat up leftovers or make gluten-free toast; if I’m feeling good that day, I might scramble some eggs. I usually try to keep breakfast easy as I’m not fully awake until after I’ve eaten and had caffeinated tea.
(b) Lunch. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I usually cook a fresh meal for lunch, as that’s my main meal, but on bad days I heat up a safe frozen dinner because I don’t have the energy to stand at the stove for long enough to cook. When I do cook, I usually make something with pasta or rice and vegetables. I’m careful to eat as much fresh food as I can because otherwise I end up feeling even more run down than I would anyway.
(c) Dinner. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I usually eat leftovers, snack food or something easy and frozen for dinner because I’m not usually hungry enough to cook anything and by the evening I’m almost always out of energy.
(d) Does anyone help with meals?
My spouse helps me cook (or rather, cooks for me) if I’m having a bad day and he is home. He also helps by mostly feeding himself so that I don’t need to worry about always cooking for him.
3. CARING FOR THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE.
a. Describe the home care activities you do regularly.
I vacuum, do laundry, wash dishes, keep the house organized, clean the litterbox for the cats and clean up stains and animal messes. I also keep our animals (two dogs and two cats) fed, watered and groomed. I spread these chores out pretty evenly over a week or two in order to get to them all (except feeding the animals, of course!).
b. Describe the home care activities which other people do around the place you live.
My spouse carries laundry for me, especially when stairs are involved, takes the dogs outside for their bathroom breaks, takes care of the yard, fixes things around the house and does anything that takes more energy than I have at the moment it needs to get done. He often picks up the slack when I’m too tired to clean something, feed the dogs or do other chores.
c. Describe any home care activities which need to be done, but do not get done because of your health.
I rarely get around to sweeping the floors or cleaning up after the dogs outside. I used to dust all the time but I never have the energy anymore. Laundry or dishes often build up quite a bit before I get to them.
d. Did you do things in the past that you don't do now due to your health?
I used to walk the dogs at least once a day myself, sometimes twice, but now I rarely am able to even take them around the block and leave their exercise to my spouse. Also, I used to be the only one in charge of feeding them twice a day; now I split that duty with my spouse or turn it over to him entirely.
D. WORK RELATED ACTIVITIES.
Do you have serious difficulty doing any of the following on a sustained basis?
Sitting, Standing, Walking, Crawling
I have trouble remaining awake while sitting and holding my upper body upright for more than maybe ten to fifteen minutes. When standing, I need to lean on something and even then I can only stand comfortably for a few minutes before I need to either move around or sit down. I have fallen asleep standing up, leaning my weight on the nearest wall before. Walking slowly, I can keep going for about ten minutes before I need to sit down. The longest I can stay on my feet at one time is probably half an hour, and that is with significant discomfort and concentrated effort. Crawling, as it requires my whole body, is more exhausting- I even avoid crawling across my bed if I can help it.
Lifting, Carrying, Crouching/squatting, Pushing/pulling with hands/legs, Reaching up, out, down
I can’t physically lift more than a couple of pounds with each hand. Using both arms, I can barely carry my 15 pound dachshund for a few minutes, and that makes me exhausted. I can’t lift much of anything above my head and am easily thrown off balance. I can crouch with one or both hands propping me up, but without them I fall forward. As for pushing and pulling, heavy doors require my full body to open. I have considerable force if I push with both legs. Reaching with my arms, especially down, often unbalances me and causes me to feel like I’m about to fall.
Working productively all day, every day, year round
This has never been possible for me, though I have tried to work part-time. All five of my attempts either ended at a set time, thus saving me from being fired, or I had to quit because I felt I couldn’t complete the tasks assigned me. Even something as simple as making photocopies was extremely stressful for me and I got taken off of that duty because I kept messing things up and getting confused. I tried to tutor English once, but I had to quit before I had been at it very long because I kept falling asleep in the middle of sessions and it was a struggle to keep my clients from realizing this. When sitting, I fall asleep; when standing, I get too fatigued to function after a short period of time. I’m a mess on the phone because of my memory problems and it’s difficult for me to keep track of anything in general. I enjoy cleaning, but it’s so physically demanding that I can’t do it for more than ten minutes at a time, and then it takes me an hour to recover. I can’t focus or concentrate in a reliable way and communicating with other people is frightening and stressful for me. I’ve looked into dog training, working from home and creating art to sell, but I can’t escape the fact that I simply don’t have the energy to sustain any activity long enough to make money doing it or meet any kind of schedule or deadline.
Functioning in bad environments (for example, risky places; environments of heat, cold, or humidity; those with pollutants, fumes, drafts, or irritants like noise or vibration)
I can’t function in these environments because I easily become ill, any distractions to my already limited concentration are disastrous (including any feelings of physical discomfort such as heat and cold), and I’m not alert enough to effectively deal with danger.
Other limitations? Describe:
Because of my gluten and soy intolerance, I find travel difficult as it is hard to find food I can safely eat that is made by anyone other than myself. I must carry safe food with me at all times if I don’t have a kitchen easily available, or locate one of three safe restaurants.
E. Anything else?
Because of all of the above mentioned limitations, I suffer from considerable anxiety when confronted with new situations or new people.
So, here's more about my inability to work due to my severe narcolepsy... hopefully it helps someone to relate or understand. If you want the actual form, it's from http://www.disabilityfacts.com .
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1. TYPICAL MONTH. Please state how many good, fair, and bad days you have each month. (Consider a month to be 30 continuous days.)
a. Good Days -- days when you do well and complete all living and home care activities.
Total good days a month: 1 or 2
b. Fair Days -- days when you function with serious difficulty and fail to complete some living and home care activities. Total fair days in a month: about 21
c. Bad Days -- days when you function very poorly and fail to complete most living and home care activities. Total bad days a month: 4 or 5
d. In your own words please describe how the bad days and fair days are worse than the good ones.
On a good day, I can be mentally focused on productive activities for much of the day as long as I spend a lot of the day lying down. I will need to take a nap in the middle of the day for ten or twenty minutes and caffeinated tea might be required to keep me going. On fair days, that is, most of the time, I can do maybe one hour of activity before I need to lie down and take a break, and by the afternoon I have to stop all activity for the rest of the day as I’ve run out of energy. On a bad day, walking to another room exhausts me and I can’t do anything besides rest. If I try to push past and do things anyway, I end up bungling them up and needing to spend the entirety of the next day recovering.
e. Are there days when you don't go out because of your health? If yes, how many days a month does your health keep you in?
I stay in most of the time as my partner works and I can’t drive (I choose not to drive a car because I know I’m not awake enough to be a safe driver). In a typical month, I may have the energy to take my dogs on a short walk maybe 5 of the days if I’m lucky. Otherwise I only leave with my partner to run errands, during which I have trouble holding conversations without falling asleep and often leave the thinking and shopping up to J. Without my spouse, I would not feel safe leaving the house due to lack of alertness.
f. Compared with a year ago, are you functioning: Better? Worse? About the same?
I’ve been steadily getting worse for the past four years, after medication stopped working for me, even though I remained on it until a year ago when the side effects made it impossible for me to keep taking it.
2A. Do you have serious difficulty taking care of any personal needs, including the following, due to your medical condition?
Bathing, Shaving, Hair care, Dressing, Eating, Using the toilet, Getting to the toilet
I can manage these fine as long as I pace myself and only do one thing at a time.
Using stairs
Stairs have always been exhausting for me and I’ve learned to avoid them as much as possible. Going up or down just one flight makes me too tired to stand or walk much when I get to the other side. If I am forced to live in a house with stairs (which happens when visiting relatives for short or long term) I end up trapped on one floor, mustering the energy to go up or down only when in dire need (like when I get really hungry or need to go to bed).
Holding onto objects
I can do this fine when feeling my most awake, but the more tired or sleepy I am, the more I drop things that I pick up or knock things over while trying to reach for something. My hand-eye coordination is terrible.
Understanding/following instructions
I have a hard time with this; I usually have to ask for repeats, and sometimes I still forget before I can accomplish the task. Conversations of any kind are frustrating, exhausting and nerve-wracking for me, especially with people who I don’t know well or who don’t know I have narcolepsy.
Making decisions
When given several days or weeks, I’m excellent at making decisions, but any faster than that I panic because my mind works too slowly. I also easily overlook important factors in the decision and usually need to be reminded of them repeatedly. Even seemingly small or unimportant decisions are hard for me to make quickly; they still jamb my brain.
Doing things on time
Having deadlines is difficult for me because I never know when I’m going to have a bad day, so despite my best efforts, when I was in school I would often need extensions on projects. I have had enough trouble completing the work and keeping up on assignments that I have had to drop classes before, and this is one reason I don’t take any classes anymore.
Finishing things
I always finish what I start. The only thing is that it may take twice as long as someone else, sometimes months or years, because I have to pace myself and do a little bit at a time.
Using the telephone
I hate using the phone and my spouse does all of my “business” calls for me. I tend to fall asleep and have trouble keeping up with whomever I’m talking to, or I forget why I was calling in the first place, or I don’t remember a key piece of information. I remember visual information way better than audio, which tends to go in one ear and out the other, even when I’m concentrating. I only make casual phone calls, because my friends and family know about my condition and I don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed because they understand why I fall asleep or stop making sense while talking to them.
Personal business/finance
I can do any of this that doesn’t involve talking to people as long as I choose my more alert moments to do things like pay bills or check online accounts. Something that takes longer, like taxes, really takes my energy and I have to hand it over to my spouse when I get too tired to continue.
Caring for others
My spouse and I have four pets who I care for, though I often need help from J in order to get all of the chores done, and on bad days, he has to do everything and I can only provide companionship for them.
Visiting people, Shopping
During these activities I almost always end up napping (no matter how short an errand), whether leaning on a shopping cart or on my spouse on a friend’s couch. Whenever we shop, we get in and out quickly in order to get me back to where I can lie down. I don’t enjoy shopping with other people because I get tired from standing up and it loses its fun long before my friends get tired. When visiting people, I prefer sitting and talking informally or watching a movie because walking around is too taxing to do for fun.
Getting places
As stated earlier, I don’t drive or feel comfortable leaving my house without my spouse’s assistance. If I lived near a train or subway system I think I could handle that, especially if accompanied, but I don’t currently.
Recreation, Hobbies
I draw cartoons and make nature-themed crafts, but this is another activity that I can do for an hour at the most before I need to lie down and not move for awhile. Otherwise I find myself falling asleep on my sketchbook and making simple mistakes in everything I attempt. Because of this and the other chores I need to do every day, I only get to draw a couple of times a week and often don’t do crafts more than two or three times a month. Even reading a book requires me to be awake enough to resist falling asleep while I’m trying to absorb information and I have to limit my time doing that as well.
Group activities, like church or clubs
I avoid groups because it is hard for me to keep track of one or two people talking, much less more people than that. I have no intention of trying to meet people in this way.
Other activities? Describe:
Driving
I used to drive despite my condition because at first, I didn’t understand how much harder it is for me than others, and then later it was the only option for me before I moved in with my spouse. I can and will drive in an emergency for a short distance, but I don’t feel comfortable in any traffic and am terrified of highways because I can’t make the split-second decisions necessary to stay safe. I lack depth perception because of my constantly sleepy state and therefore find it incredibly difficult to tell distance between myself and other cars. This makes parking nearly impossible because I can’t tell how much space is between parked cars or if I have room to turn into. I don’t feel safe driving at speeds over 25 mph. Additionally, driving takes so much concentration for me to avoid a collision that when I reach my destination I immediately fall asleep and am too exhausted to accomplish what I needed to get there to do.
2B. Do you prepare or serve meals? If so, what meals do you do?
I have Celiac disease and soy intolerance in addition to narcolepsy, and therefore must prepare all of my meals myself or have them prepared by someone who knows how to avoid ingredients that make me ill.
(a) Breakfast. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I heat up leftovers or make gluten-free toast; if I’m feeling good that day, I might scramble some eggs. I usually try to keep breakfast easy as I’m not fully awake until after I’ve eaten and had caffeinated tea.
(b) Lunch. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I usually cook a fresh meal for lunch, as that’s my main meal, but on bad days I heat up a safe frozen dinner because I don’t have the energy to stand at the stove for long enough to cook. When I do cook, I usually make something with pasta or rice and vegetables. I’m careful to eat as much fresh food as I can because otherwise I end up feeling even more run down than I would anyway.
(c) Dinner. Describe what you do. How many days a month? Every day
I usually eat leftovers, snack food or something easy and frozen for dinner because I’m not usually hungry enough to cook anything and by the evening I’m almost always out of energy.
(d) Does anyone help with meals?
My spouse helps me cook (or rather, cooks for me) if I’m having a bad day and he is home. He also helps by mostly feeding himself so that I don’t need to worry about always cooking for him.
3. CARING FOR THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE.
a. Describe the home care activities you do regularly.
I vacuum, do laundry, wash dishes, keep the house organized, clean the litterbox for the cats and clean up stains and animal messes. I also keep our animals (two dogs and two cats) fed, watered and groomed. I spread these chores out pretty evenly over a week or two in order to get to them all (except feeding the animals, of course!).
b. Describe the home care activities which other people do around the place you live.
My spouse carries laundry for me, especially when stairs are involved, takes the dogs outside for their bathroom breaks, takes care of the yard, fixes things around the house and does anything that takes more energy than I have at the moment it needs to get done. He often picks up the slack when I’m too tired to clean something, feed the dogs or do other chores.
c. Describe any home care activities which need to be done, but do not get done because of your health.
I rarely get around to sweeping the floors or cleaning up after the dogs outside. I used to dust all the time but I never have the energy anymore. Laundry or dishes often build up quite a bit before I get to them.
d. Did you do things in the past that you don't do now due to your health?
I used to walk the dogs at least once a day myself, sometimes twice, but now I rarely am able to even take them around the block and leave their exercise to my spouse. Also, I used to be the only one in charge of feeding them twice a day; now I split that duty with my spouse or turn it over to him entirely.
D. WORK RELATED ACTIVITIES.
Do you have serious difficulty doing any of the following on a sustained basis?
Sitting, Standing, Walking, Crawling
I have trouble remaining awake while sitting and holding my upper body upright for more than maybe ten to fifteen minutes. When standing, I need to lean on something and even then I can only stand comfortably for a few minutes before I need to either move around or sit down. I have fallen asleep standing up, leaning my weight on the nearest wall before. Walking slowly, I can keep going for about ten minutes before I need to sit down. The longest I can stay on my feet at one time is probably half an hour, and that is with significant discomfort and concentrated effort. Crawling, as it requires my whole body, is more exhausting- I even avoid crawling across my bed if I can help it.
Lifting, Carrying, Crouching/squatting, Pushing/pulling with hands/legs, Reaching up, out, down
I can’t physically lift more than a couple of pounds with each hand. Using both arms, I can barely carry my 15 pound dachshund for a few minutes, and that makes me exhausted. I can’t lift much of anything above my head and am easily thrown off balance. I can crouch with one or both hands propping me up, but without them I fall forward. As for pushing and pulling, heavy doors require my full body to open. I have considerable force if I push with both legs. Reaching with my arms, especially down, often unbalances me and causes me to feel like I’m about to fall.
Working productively all day, every day, year round
This has never been possible for me, though I have tried to work part-time. All five of my attempts either ended at a set time, thus saving me from being fired, or I had to quit because I felt I couldn’t complete the tasks assigned me. Even something as simple as making photocopies was extremely stressful for me and I got taken off of that duty because I kept messing things up and getting confused. I tried to tutor English once, but I had to quit before I had been at it very long because I kept falling asleep in the middle of sessions and it was a struggle to keep my clients from realizing this. When sitting, I fall asleep; when standing, I get too fatigued to function after a short period of time. I’m a mess on the phone because of my memory problems and it’s difficult for me to keep track of anything in general. I enjoy cleaning, but it’s so physically demanding that I can’t do it for more than ten minutes at a time, and then it takes me an hour to recover. I can’t focus or concentrate in a reliable way and communicating with other people is frightening and stressful for me. I’ve looked into dog training, working from home and creating art to sell, but I can’t escape the fact that I simply don’t have the energy to sustain any activity long enough to make money doing it or meet any kind of schedule or deadline.
Functioning in bad environments (for example, risky places; environments of heat, cold, or humidity; those with pollutants, fumes, drafts, or irritants like noise or vibration)
I can’t function in these environments because I easily become ill, any distractions to my already limited concentration are disastrous (including any feelings of physical discomfort such as heat and cold), and I’m not alert enough to effectively deal with danger.
Other limitations? Describe:
Because of my gluten and soy intolerance, I find travel difficult as it is hard to find food I can safely eat that is made by anyone other than myself. I must carry safe food with me at all times if I don’t have a kitchen easily available, or locate one of three safe restaurants.
E. Anything else?
Because of all of the above mentioned limitations, I suffer from considerable anxiety when confronted with new situations or new people.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Life Explosion
Well, life is settling back down again finally. We were able to borrow J's family's RV for this last month he's working at the high school here, and finally got moved into it and out of the hotel. The entire saga had us moving us and our pets no less than seven times in and out of hotels, our broken rental house (which our landlord kept trying to get fixed) and finally into the RV just a few days ago. Our stuff from the house is packed in boxes ready to be moved back to Wisconsin, where we're going to flee as soon as school ends and J is done teaching.
The RV, while crammed full of stuff and animals, at least doesn't smell like sewage and affect my sensitive immune system. It is also less area to keep clean than the house, though the one thing that was nice about the hotel was the fact that I didn't need to clean anything. This was a good thing because I've been completely flattened from exhaustion. Between the stress, parents poking us constantly and needing to keep everyone updated, the lack of fresh food (thank God for GF frozen dinners or I would have been even more screwed), long hours in the car and keeping everyone healthy and safe through the upheaval, it must have been the longest three weeks in existence. Various things forced me to do too much (like my fiance getting really sick for two days, during which I had to take care of him and even drive to Walmart once) and then it would take even longer than it normally would for me to recover.
In the middle of all of this, we had planned months earlier to go visit J's parents over Easter weekend seven hours away in Wisconsin. My parents were even flying up from Texas, as we wanted our parents to get to know each other better (they had only met once at graduation). The afternoon we were going to leave, we found out that the sewage situation was still not fixed when someone came to disinfect the drained basement and discovered new flooding. So we left, hoping to bring the RV back with us after the weekend was over.
Despite us being exhausted and feeling down on life, the visit with our parents went well and I was relieved at how relaxed my parents were. We had good long talks and caught up, my parents got to meet the horses and our big dog, who they had only seen pictures of before, and reunite with my dachshund, who they adore. We drove them around to show them the area and had dinner a couple of times. It was really good.
I don't know if I mentioned it yet, but my fiance got called in to talk to his boss, the principal, a couple of weeks ago in the middle of all this mess, to find out that he's not getting hired back next year. The principal said a few pretty critical things that had my fiance's confidence in his teaching pretty well shot through for awhile. The most aggravating part is that most of the man's argument is based on something one of the administrators messed up and blamed on J. What really got my fiance, though, was the word "unprofessional". He has to be female for work, but gets paralyzed by anxiety and depression if he dresses too female, so he has to go pretty androgynous and we suspect that's part of the principal's problem. The only thing is that J hasn't come out at work and doesn't plan to, and we have no proof of actual discrimination based on J not looking "female enough". It's just a vague suspicion that I have. At any rate, we just want to get out of that town. After the house problems, all the drama at the school and feeling like we can't go out without seeing lots of people who know J as female, we really just wanted to leave anyway.
For the summer we already had plans to return to J's parents' house to help his mom with taking care of the horses and to allow his parents to go on vacation. We've applied all over the country for English teacher positions, but we know we may not get anything for this next year. If we don't, it'll be a long stay with my in-laws again. I would love that except that the stairs there make my life extremely difficult. Honestly, we aren't sure what to do in J's career next. I hear a lot of transpeople have to switch careers in order to get free of their past life as the wrong gender, and in a career as conservative as public school teaching we aren't sure transitioning would be well-accepted. My man is very sensitive about how people think of him and I worry for him. We've been thinking about how to get his birth certificate changed, but that won't fix his reference letters (which refer to him as female), his social security number, or his college transcripts, which are all things schools look at when considering you. Also, the fact that we don't know what state we're going to be in doesn't help us come up with a clear plan of action as every state seems to have a different process for something as seemingly simple as changing your name. It's very bewildering and we aren't sure where to go from here.
Another thing that has us wondering is whether or not I'm going to have health insurance next year after my 26th birthday, when my dad's company stops being willing to cover me. We had thought, as we are getting married in July and assumed we would be in Iowa next year, that I could be on J's insurance which would at least help. But, if we move to any state where gay marriage isn't recognized or at least converted to a civil union (like Illinois), we aren't married anymore and I potentially lose the ability to have health insurance through my spouse. I've finally decided to try to get on disability because we need the income (my parents are still buying all of our food) as well as insurance, but that can take years and multiple rejections. Transitioning to a straight couple might turn out to be faster.
The good news is that (I think) I should have a pretty strong case. I've never been able to work even part-time, and my mom found a form that allows me to really go into detail about what is difficult for me. As soon as I finish it, I'm going to post it here, as I think it's useful for anyone researching narcolepsy, looking for something to relate to, or for anyone to fill out to use with their application. I started it wondering if I'm really "disabled", but by halfway through I realized that was silly. Hopefully, I can convince the government of this fact.
It's too gorgeous a day to not live in an RV. The first truly warm day we've had in awhile, with the sun shining, and despite everything I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful to be anywhere.
The RV, while crammed full of stuff and animals, at least doesn't smell like sewage and affect my sensitive immune system. It is also less area to keep clean than the house, though the one thing that was nice about the hotel was the fact that I didn't need to clean anything. This was a good thing because I've been completely flattened from exhaustion. Between the stress, parents poking us constantly and needing to keep everyone updated, the lack of fresh food (thank God for GF frozen dinners or I would have been even more screwed), long hours in the car and keeping everyone healthy and safe through the upheaval, it must have been the longest three weeks in existence. Various things forced me to do too much (like my fiance getting really sick for two days, during which I had to take care of him and even drive to Walmart once) and then it would take even longer than it normally would for me to recover.
In the middle of all of this, we had planned months earlier to go visit J's parents over Easter weekend seven hours away in Wisconsin. My parents were even flying up from Texas, as we wanted our parents to get to know each other better (they had only met once at graduation). The afternoon we were going to leave, we found out that the sewage situation was still not fixed when someone came to disinfect the drained basement and discovered new flooding. So we left, hoping to bring the RV back with us after the weekend was over.
Despite us being exhausted and feeling down on life, the visit with our parents went well and I was relieved at how relaxed my parents were. We had good long talks and caught up, my parents got to meet the horses and our big dog, who they had only seen pictures of before, and reunite with my dachshund, who they adore. We drove them around to show them the area and had dinner a couple of times. It was really good.
I don't know if I mentioned it yet, but my fiance got called in to talk to his boss, the principal, a couple of weeks ago in the middle of all this mess, to find out that he's not getting hired back next year. The principal said a few pretty critical things that had my fiance's confidence in his teaching pretty well shot through for awhile. The most aggravating part is that most of the man's argument is based on something one of the administrators messed up and blamed on J. What really got my fiance, though, was the word "unprofessional". He has to be female for work, but gets paralyzed by anxiety and depression if he dresses too female, so he has to go pretty androgynous and we suspect that's part of the principal's problem. The only thing is that J hasn't come out at work and doesn't plan to, and we have no proof of actual discrimination based on J not looking "female enough". It's just a vague suspicion that I have. At any rate, we just want to get out of that town. After the house problems, all the drama at the school and feeling like we can't go out without seeing lots of people who know J as female, we really just wanted to leave anyway.
For the summer we already had plans to return to J's parents' house to help his mom with taking care of the horses and to allow his parents to go on vacation. We've applied all over the country for English teacher positions, but we know we may not get anything for this next year. If we don't, it'll be a long stay with my in-laws again. I would love that except that the stairs there make my life extremely difficult. Honestly, we aren't sure what to do in J's career next. I hear a lot of transpeople have to switch careers in order to get free of their past life as the wrong gender, and in a career as conservative as public school teaching we aren't sure transitioning would be well-accepted. My man is very sensitive about how people think of him and I worry for him. We've been thinking about how to get his birth certificate changed, but that won't fix his reference letters (which refer to him as female), his social security number, or his college transcripts, which are all things schools look at when considering you. Also, the fact that we don't know what state we're going to be in doesn't help us come up with a clear plan of action as every state seems to have a different process for something as seemingly simple as changing your name. It's very bewildering and we aren't sure where to go from here.
Another thing that has us wondering is whether or not I'm going to have health insurance next year after my 26th birthday, when my dad's company stops being willing to cover me. We had thought, as we are getting married in July and assumed we would be in Iowa next year, that I could be on J's insurance which would at least help. But, if we move to any state where gay marriage isn't recognized or at least converted to a civil union (like Illinois), we aren't married anymore and I potentially lose the ability to have health insurance through my spouse. I've finally decided to try to get on disability because we need the income (my parents are still buying all of our food) as well as insurance, but that can take years and multiple rejections. Transitioning to a straight couple might turn out to be faster.
The good news is that (I think) I should have a pretty strong case. I've never been able to work even part-time, and my mom found a form that allows me to really go into detail about what is difficult for me. As soon as I finish it, I'm going to post it here, as I think it's useful for anyone researching narcolepsy, looking for something to relate to, or for anyone to fill out to use with their application. I started it wondering if I'm really "disabled", but by halfway through I realized that was silly. Hopefully, I can convince the government of this fact.
It's too gorgeous a day to not live in an RV. The first truly warm day we've had in awhile, with the sun shining, and despite everything I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful to be anywhere.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Somehow Surviving a Week of Total Insanity
Too tired to write... in... sentences...
1) Moved out of house to escape sewage leak and into a Super 8
2) Accomplished above at 10 PM with four animals
3) And with tons of GF frozen food and leftovers
4) Which ran out after 3 days and required me to eat steadily stranger things and rely almost entirely on a loaf of GF bread and lunchmeat from Walmart
5) Checked house every day to drop off laundry and were subjected to the horrible smell increasing until the cleanup people got there finally
6) Watched my fiance come down with horrible flu-like withdrawal symptoms from getting off of his anti-depressant too quickly
7) Nursed fiance back to health over three days while taking care of 4 animals in a hotel, one of which is a dachshund having serious back problems that require extra work
8) Drove to Walmart for emergency supplies and to the house for similar
9) Accomplished the above without crashing into anything despite sleep attacks and being exhausted, not having driven at all in months
10) Moved everyone and everything back into the still slightly off-smelling house to get away from the hotel
11) Had disappointing therapy appointment over the phone
12) Did three loads of laundry and washed giant pile of dishes (using water boiled on the stove because the water heater is still off)
13) Hoping we don't have to move out again while they bleach the basement
14) Called Mom to vent about above and started crying because it's just that insane
15) Now only awake because of blasting Britney Spears
1) Moved out of house to escape sewage leak and into a Super 8
2) Accomplished above at 10 PM with four animals
3) And with tons of GF frozen food and leftovers
4) Which ran out after 3 days and required me to eat steadily stranger things and rely almost entirely on a loaf of GF bread and lunchmeat from Walmart
5) Checked house every day to drop off laundry and were subjected to the horrible smell increasing until the cleanup people got there finally
6) Watched my fiance come down with horrible flu-like withdrawal symptoms from getting off of his anti-depressant too quickly
7) Nursed fiance back to health over three days while taking care of 4 animals in a hotel, one of which is a dachshund having serious back problems that require extra work
8) Drove to Walmart for emergency supplies and to the house for similar
9) Accomplished the above without crashing into anything despite sleep attacks and being exhausted, not having driven at all in months
10) Moved everyone and everything back into the still slightly off-smelling house to get away from the hotel
11) Had disappointing therapy appointment over the phone
12) Did three loads of laundry and washed giant pile of dishes (using water boiled on the stove because the water heater is still off)
13) Hoping we don't have to move out again while they bleach the basement
14) Called Mom to vent about above and started crying because it's just that insane
15) Now only awake because of blasting Britney Spears
Monday, April 11, 2011
This Ill Feeling Is No Longer Mysterious
As I may have mentioned earlier, my fiance and I have been renting a small house in small town Iowa where my fiance is working. When we first moved into this old little house, we had all sorts of problems. It wasn't too surprising, as the place had been vacant for over a year when we moved in. First, there was the plumbing, which took awhile to get fully functional. Then we had to get the water heater fixed, then before winter set in, the furnace needed help. And after that, miraculously, everything worked for several whole months!
Well, then I kept catching what seemed to be random colds. I was sick with three seemingly different things (complete with their own distinct symptoms) one after another and was totally blaming it on the weather. I mean, the Midwest is famous for immune system-wrenching spikes and drops in temperature this time of year, plus there's allergies to take into account. So I figured (especially as this spring is my first living in this area) that I was just allergic to something.
Then J, my fiance, started getting headaches and feeling crappy. He has an extremely sensitive sense of smell and was complaining that the house smelled funny a couple of days ago. I noticed it a little bit, too. This weekend we got back from a field trip to Sioux Falls (our nearest source of sushi and many other delicious GF things), having been gone all day, to discover our hot water wasn't working. It would flow, but it was cold.
Last time we had this problem, the pilot light on the water heater had gone out. So we go down to the basement to check it and--
We find that our basement is flooded with foul-smelling, tepid water. As in sewage. o.O It was six inches deep, and high enough to have triggered the water heater to shut itself off. Thoroughly grossed out, we had to decide what to do. At J's dad's urging (he works on houses) we decided to take all six of us (two humans, two cats and two dogs) to the nearest motel for a couple of days while our landlord sorts it out.
We called around and found somewhere that would take all of us in last night, and we are so glad we did. J's dad told us that if you can smell it at all, the gases can be making you sick, and I'm now sure that they were. I'm really glad that we're now all out of danger. I already feel so much better after a night of fresh air. I think it was affecting me a lot more than I realized, however faint the strange smell had seemed.
We stopped in to grab a couple of things we forgot in our haste to leave last night, and I ran in to the house myself for about two minutes. That was enough to make me feel sick again until I had been breathing fresh air for awhile. I'm not going back in there at all until the sewage is gone and the basement is bleached.
Well, we'd been saying we needed a vacation, right? XD Not quite what we had in mind...
Well, then I kept catching what seemed to be random colds. I was sick with three seemingly different things (complete with their own distinct symptoms) one after another and was totally blaming it on the weather. I mean, the Midwest is famous for immune system-wrenching spikes and drops in temperature this time of year, plus there's allergies to take into account. So I figured (especially as this spring is my first living in this area) that I was just allergic to something.
Then J, my fiance, started getting headaches and feeling crappy. He has an extremely sensitive sense of smell and was complaining that the house smelled funny a couple of days ago. I noticed it a little bit, too. This weekend we got back from a field trip to Sioux Falls (our nearest source of sushi and many other delicious GF things), having been gone all day, to discover our hot water wasn't working. It would flow, but it was cold.
Last time we had this problem, the pilot light on the water heater had gone out. So we go down to the basement to check it and--
We find that our basement is flooded with foul-smelling, tepid water. As in sewage. o.O It was six inches deep, and high enough to have triggered the water heater to shut itself off. Thoroughly grossed out, we had to decide what to do. At J's dad's urging (he works on houses) we decided to take all six of us (two humans, two cats and two dogs) to the nearest motel for a couple of days while our landlord sorts it out.
We called around and found somewhere that would take all of us in last night, and we are so glad we did. J's dad told us that if you can smell it at all, the gases can be making you sick, and I'm now sure that they were. I'm really glad that we're now all out of danger. I already feel so much better after a night of fresh air. I think it was affecting me a lot more than I realized, however faint the strange smell had seemed.
We stopped in to grab a couple of things we forgot in our haste to leave last night, and I ran in to the house myself for about two minutes. That was enough to make me feel sick again until I had been breathing fresh air for awhile. I'm not going back in there at all until the sewage is gone and the basement is bleached.
Well, we'd been saying we needed a vacation, right? XD Not quite what we had in mind...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Therapy Cat vs. Tornado Movie Shoot Hospital
Well, the past couple of weeks my nightmares have been getting a lot worse again, but at least I have lots of furry moral support.
Last night it was tornadoes. I was a passenger in my mom's car, driving down the highway towards the beach in the area where I grew up. My mom was driving us to a hospital where she was going for work and I had tagged along. As we drove, the cloudy sky darkened menacingly, the deep grey clouds heavy and wet. It began to pour. We were almost there- I could see across the flat, grassy fields to the hospital complex, its windows lit up against the blackened sky. My mom cursed at the rain. On the horizon I saw one of the cloudy masses dip down to connect with the ground, swirling chaotically.
We sped into the parking garage of the hospital, and then suddenly we were in a big, well-lit open lobby surrounded by glass windows. The place was pretty empty, which made sense to me, because I now knew we were there to help shoot a movie. We power-walked through a dim hallway into what looked like an office. A bunch of people with cameras and boom mics and who looked like actors were hanging around there. There was an old golden retriever and a French bulldog who was wearing a frilly pink collar, apparently also ready for a part in the movie.
As the crew was setting things up, I looked out of the window and watched the heavy rain streak down the glass against the dark night. I leaned over to look straight down, and saw a small tornado headed right for the building we were in, about to take out the structure below us. I started shouting and yelling for all the people to run for the door at the opposite end of the suddenly large room.
I grabbed my mom's hand and we got through the crowded doorway, running in the group away from that side of the floor. I was terrified. I was pretty sure we were going to die.
We ran past a long wall of windows that faced one of the other buildings in the complex. As I watched, still running, the building folded in on itself and crashed to the ground in a pile of rubble, sheetrock dust rising, showing its insides. It looked straight out of 9/11 footage. I was scared and upset. We reached, suddenly, a giant open area that looked like a multi-level shopping mall, packed with people. We skidded to a stop, trying to figure out which way to go- four hallways split off. But suddenly, a deathly fire glow came shooting out of three of them, and everyone in there started screaming. We turned into the fourth hallway, which looked like it was underground. It turned into the hallways in a Japanese subway station.
I began to have hope that we might escape. And then, quite suddenly, I wasn't running for my life anymore, but blinking up at the ceiling of my bedroom.
Over the past week, as the dreams have gotten especially bad, one of our cats has started sleeping right next to me, leaning on me as if to offer comfort, as if she knows I need a hug. Normally, she's quite an elusive character and sometimes you can go all day without seeing her. Also, if you get up to go to the bathroom, she'll jump up from the bed as if offended, tail-twitching, and stalk off to the other room for the rest of the night. But this past week, instead she stays by me. She'll wait until I come back and get under the covers again, and then snuggle up close as soon as I'm comfortable.
I know she's doing it on purpose. In college, one of my housemates was having a really hard time, and this cat was always in her room next to her when she was home. The cat would sleep on top of her at night. It helped a lot. Now I think she's offering me the same favor.
Living with my girlfriend helps me a lot, even though she's a hard sleeper, because just having someone next to me makes me feel less afraid when I wake up in the night. Having our cat right against me is like getting a hug just when I need it. As soon as I wake up, she'll turn to look at me with sleepy eyes, whether or not I've moved yet, as if to ask, "Are you okay?"
Thank God for kitties. <3
Last night it was tornadoes. I was a passenger in my mom's car, driving down the highway towards the beach in the area where I grew up. My mom was driving us to a hospital where she was going for work and I had tagged along. As we drove, the cloudy sky darkened menacingly, the deep grey clouds heavy and wet. It began to pour. We were almost there- I could see across the flat, grassy fields to the hospital complex, its windows lit up against the blackened sky. My mom cursed at the rain. On the horizon I saw one of the cloudy masses dip down to connect with the ground, swirling chaotically.
We sped into the parking garage of the hospital, and then suddenly we were in a big, well-lit open lobby surrounded by glass windows. The place was pretty empty, which made sense to me, because I now knew we were there to help shoot a movie. We power-walked through a dim hallway into what looked like an office. A bunch of people with cameras and boom mics and who looked like actors were hanging around there. There was an old golden retriever and a French bulldog who was wearing a frilly pink collar, apparently also ready for a part in the movie.
As the crew was setting things up, I looked out of the window and watched the heavy rain streak down the glass against the dark night. I leaned over to look straight down, and saw a small tornado headed right for the building we were in, about to take out the structure below us. I started shouting and yelling for all the people to run for the door at the opposite end of the suddenly large room.
I grabbed my mom's hand and we got through the crowded doorway, running in the group away from that side of the floor. I was terrified. I was pretty sure we were going to die.
We ran past a long wall of windows that faced one of the other buildings in the complex. As I watched, still running, the building folded in on itself and crashed to the ground in a pile of rubble, sheetrock dust rising, showing its insides. It looked straight out of 9/11 footage. I was scared and upset. We reached, suddenly, a giant open area that looked like a multi-level shopping mall, packed with people. We skidded to a stop, trying to figure out which way to go- four hallways split off. But suddenly, a deathly fire glow came shooting out of three of them, and everyone in there started screaming. We turned into the fourth hallway, which looked like it was underground. It turned into the hallways in a Japanese subway station.
I began to have hope that we might escape. And then, quite suddenly, I wasn't running for my life anymore, but blinking up at the ceiling of my bedroom.
Over the past week, as the dreams have gotten especially bad, one of our cats has started sleeping right next to me, leaning on me as if to offer comfort, as if she knows I need a hug. Normally, she's quite an elusive character and sometimes you can go all day without seeing her. Also, if you get up to go to the bathroom, she'll jump up from the bed as if offended, tail-twitching, and stalk off to the other room for the rest of the night. But this past week, instead she stays by me. She'll wait until I come back and get under the covers again, and then snuggle up close as soon as I'm comfortable.
I know she's doing it on purpose. In college, one of my housemates was having a really hard time, and this cat was always in her room next to her when she was home. The cat would sleep on top of her at night. It helped a lot. Now I think she's offering me the same favor.
Living with my girlfriend helps me a lot, even though she's a hard sleeper, because just having someone next to me makes me feel less afraid when I wake up in the night. Having our cat right against me is like getting a hug just when I need it. As soon as I wake up, she'll turn to look at me with sleepy eyes, whether or not I've moved yet, as if to ask, "Are you okay?"
Thank God for kitties. <3
Monday, January 3, 2011
The F. Family Traveling Circus
For Thanksgiving, we had driven seven hours to my girlfriend's parents' house in Wisconsin to visit them and our horses. We brought our dogs and cats with us and it worked out really great. Getting out of Iowa was awesome and the animals were really well-behaved for the drive and the visit and all seemed happy for the adventuring. We had a relaxing four days or whatever it was and were sad to leave. So we figured, why not do the same thing again for Christmas? And since it's much easier to fly down to my relatives in Texas from there than it is from middle of nowhere, Iowa (three hours from the nearest airport with direct flights to our destination), why not visit my parents, too? Our animals could stay in Wisconsin and be cared for by people we trust who had taken care of them before and we'd get to see my family, too.
So it sounded a bit intense, but fun, and let's face it- adventuring outside of our small town for two weeks seemed appealing. Then we found out our mutual best friend and former college roommate, who is at least as much family as the rest of these people, was going to be visiting St. Paul around when we planned to leave for our trip. So naturally we decided to go visit her and her parents for a night or two on the way after they agreed to hosting us and our two cats and two dogs. We had been missing her like crazy.
And so, last Tuesday after my girlfriend got off work, we all piled into the car. It took longer than we had intended to get going because it takes a lot of stuff to sustain two humans on special diets, two cats and two dogs for ridiculous amounts of driving and when they are going to be away from home for almost two weeks straight. We left about an hour later than we had been hoping, but at least it was still light out and we still had a good chance of making it to our first stop for dinner.
Three and a half hours later, we got into St. Paul, tired but not completely exhausted. Having been to this specific house many times each, we just called to double-check the exit off the highway, which was the right one in fact. But after that we passed our turn, then turned the wrong way in an attempt to double back, which landed us on snowy and icy roads going the wrong direction. We dodged a couple of careening vehicles, called our friend back for help getting back to her neighborhood, and spent an hour finding our way there. All the way, our cat was letting us know that he had had enough of this nonsense, and we were stressed out so our dogs were whining. To this rather aggravating chorus, we finally found where we were going, hungry, exhausted and ready to get out of the car.
We had a really good time visiting our friend. The dogs stayed in the laundry room, which we baby-gated off to prevent allergy attacks. They were left to themselves for most of the two nights except for two walks and one bathroom break a day, and of course, being fed. All in all they didn't seem to mind- they were very polite and mostly quiet. My dachshund was a little frustrated by being separated from his humans (he's a clingy little guy), but both dogs seemed to just sleep. The cats were shut into the bedroom we were all sharing and hanging out in to keep them separated from the somewhat antisocial cat of the house, but they did very well also and got plenty of attention. Mostly it was a quiet visit with lots of resting (good for both of us). We caught up, cooked GF lasagna and finished a puzzle.
After our second night it was time to go and make our way to Wisconsin just ahead of a storm. Otherwise we might have stayed longer, it was so nice and relaxing. I took advantage of being in civilization to get three packages of grocery store sushi and that kept me fed for the six hour drive. Even so, we were all exhausted (and bored) by the time we made it to my girlfriend's parents' house. Just sitting in the car tires me out pretty thoroughly (I don't drive at all anymore) and both dogs were whining at the end. Friday (our more vocal cat) was meowing indignantly along with them. It was at that point we decided "Traveling Circus" was a pretty good description of our trip so far.
We spent Christmas there, with a house full of people: six humans, three cats, five dogs, four horses and the miniature donkey. My girl's rather talkative brother and his girlfriend were there and we spent a lot of time with them and the parents. I met more of her family at a Christmas Eve party and (mostly) managed to retain who was related to whom for the evening at least. I also got way more exercise than I'm used to, between walking our dogs around the property and riding horses. I'm still working on just balancing and staying upright on a horse, but for me that's a difficult task, takes lots of concentration, and is therefore draining. I did well and was really proud of myself, but in hindsight it might have been better to save at least some of that energy.
Her family does Christmas a lot more than mine does- there was shopping, gifts (I got lots, which surprised me) and eating lots of meals together. My future mother-in-law is a good cook and mostly eats gluten-free anyway, so she knows how to make safe food and we let her keep us fed. Even though I've been pretty happy to cook lately, it was a nice break to have someone else in charge of it for once. But she doesn't cook quite as many fresh vegetables as we've been eating, or as insanely healthy. That was probably the beginning of us feeling exhausted and sapped of energy, between the food and the constant socializing.
By the day after Christmas and time for our flight south, we were both really tired. Her dad was nice enough to drive us to the airport, almost two hours away, which we were very grateful for. Our flight was delayed an hour but we didn't really mind. Neither of us was able to nap on the three-hour flight, so we were still really tired when we got there. My dad picked us up, so we talked to him all the way back to my parents' house, and then my grandparents were there, so by the time we went to bed that night we were both asleep at the table (me less obviously because I'm way better at faking). We way overate the enchiladas, and the next day there was a party with a bunch of my relatives and a big turkey dinner, so we stayed full of protein-rich, mostly vegetableless and sugar-containing food. My mom had made my two all-time favorite desserts- cheese cake and pumpkin pie- which I was not going to resist. They were delicious, but a far cry from the healthy diet we had been maintaining at home (we hadn't had any but tiny amounts of cane sugar in more than a month before the trip started). During the next two days we saw four of my friends at various meals (at restaurants, so again with the less strict diet), I had a gluten reaction to contaminated fudge, accidentally drank soy-containing tea (someone please explain to me why there needs to be SOY in TEA for Gods' sake), and didn't get a ton of sleep because of the loud city noise outside.
And so, by the time it was approaching New Year's Eve and we were waiting at the airport to fly back up, we both felt like we'd been run over by a steamroller. Of course, that was when storms were delaying everything coming through O'Hare and our flight ended up being delayed for three hours. Eventually we got back after a windy and foggy landing, her dad came and got us, and we collapsed in her parents' guest room at like seven in the evening.
The next day we spent collapsed in a state of no energy. I retrained the dogs (after they had destroyed a few things out of boredom and acquired a couple of other naughty habits from being without my strict rules for several days), convinced the cats that we were not abandoning them forever and ever, and mostly just attempted to recover. Neither of us had it in us to cook, so we ate frozen food, which didn't really help our energy levels. And the next day we packed the car, stuffing it completely with all of our presents, and drove all seven hours back to Iowa.
We chased the sunset for around an hour, and reached our town just as full dark came on. We both caffeinated in order to stay awake long enough to get everyone and everything inside. Then we slept. Yesterday we both woke up sick, our weakened state inviting a cold in. She went to get food because we had nothing in the fridge and we knew that was the key. We cooked three different really healthy vegetable dishes and ate way more than usual, and felt better afterward.
We're still recovering. It was a crazy trip, but it was great to see everyone. The more I'm away from most of my people, the more I realize how important it is to keep in touch with them. Plus, sometimes you have to leave for awhile to understand how nice it is to have your own place somewhere isolated and quiet. Boy are we glad to be back.
So it sounded a bit intense, but fun, and let's face it- adventuring outside of our small town for two weeks seemed appealing. Then we found out our mutual best friend and former college roommate, who is at least as much family as the rest of these people, was going to be visiting St. Paul around when we planned to leave for our trip. So naturally we decided to go visit her and her parents for a night or two on the way after they agreed to hosting us and our two cats and two dogs. We had been missing her like crazy.
And so, last Tuesday after my girlfriend got off work, we all piled into the car. It took longer than we had intended to get going because it takes a lot of stuff to sustain two humans on special diets, two cats and two dogs for ridiculous amounts of driving and when they are going to be away from home for almost two weeks straight. We left about an hour later than we had been hoping, but at least it was still light out and we still had a good chance of making it to our first stop for dinner.
Three and a half hours later, we got into St. Paul, tired but not completely exhausted. Having been to this specific house many times each, we just called to double-check the exit off the highway, which was the right one in fact. But after that we passed our turn, then turned the wrong way in an attempt to double back, which landed us on snowy and icy roads going the wrong direction. We dodged a couple of careening vehicles, called our friend back for help getting back to her neighborhood, and spent an hour finding our way there. All the way, our cat was letting us know that he had had enough of this nonsense, and we were stressed out so our dogs were whining. To this rather aggravating chorus, we finally found where we were going, hungry, exhausted and ready to get out of the car.
We had a really good time visiting our friend. The dogs stayed in the laundry room, which we baby-gated off to prevent allergy attacks. They were left to themselves for most of the two nights except for two walks and one bathroom break a day, and of course, being fed. All in all they didn't seem to mind- they were very polite and mostly quiet. My dachshund was a little frustrated by being separated from his humans (he's a clingy little guy), but both dogs seemed to just sleep. The cats were shut into the bedroom we were all sharing and hanging out in to keep them separated from the somewhat antisocial cat of the house, but they did very well also and got plenty of attention. Mostly it was a quiet visit with lots of resting (good for both of us). We caught up, cooked GF lasagna and finished a puzzle.
After our second night it was time to go and make our way to Wisconsin just ahead of a storm. Otherwise we might have stayed longer, it was so nice and relaxing. I took advantage of being in civilization to get three packages of grocery store sushi and that kept me fed for the six hour drive. Even so, we were all exhausted (and bored) by the time we made it to my girlfriend's parents' house. Just sitting in the car tires me out pretty thoroughly (I don't drive at all anymore) and both dogs were whining at the end. Friday (our more vocal cat) was meowing indignantly along with them. It was at that point we decided "Traveling Circus" was a pretty good description of our trip so far.
We spent Christmas there, with a house full of people: six humans, three cats, five dogs, four horses and the miniature donkey. My girl's rather talkative brother and his girlfriend were there and we spent a lot of time with them and the parents. I met more of her family at a Christmas Eve party and (mostly) managed to retain who was related to whom for the evening at least. I also got way more exercise than I'm used to, between walking our dogs around the property and riding horses. I'm still working on just balancing and staying upright on a horse, but for me that's a difficult task, takes lots of concentration, and is therefore draining. I did well and was really proud of myself, but in hindsight it might have been better to save at least some of that energy.
Her family does Christmas a lot more than mine does- there was shopping, gifts (I got lots, which surprised me) and eating lots of meals together. My future mother-in-law is a good cook and mostly eats gluten-free anyway, so she knows how to make safe food and we let her keep us fed. Even though I've been pretty happy to cook lately, it was a nice break to have someone else in charge of it for once. But she doesn't cook quite as many fresh vegetables as we've been eating, or as insanely healthy. That was probably the beginning of us feeling exhausted and sapped of energy, between the food and the constant socializing.
By the day after Christmas and time for our flight south, we were both really tired. Her dad was nice enough to drive us to the airport, almost two hours away, which we were very grateful for. Our flight was delayed an hour but we didn't really mind. Neither of us was able to nap on the three-hour flight, so we were still really tired when we got there. My dad picked us up, so we talked to him all the way back to my parents' house, and then my grandparents were there, so by the time we went to bed that night we were both asleep at the table (me less obviously because I'm way better at faking). We way overate the enchiladas, and the next day there was a party with a bunch of my relatives and a big turkey dinner, so we stayed full of protein-rich, mostly vegetableless and sugar-containing food. My mom had made my two all-time favorite desserts- cheese cake and pumpkin pie- which I was not going to resist. They were delicious, but a far cry from the healthy diet we had been maintaining at home (we hadn't had any but tiny amounts of cane sugar in more than a month before the trip started). During the next two days we saw four of my friends at various meals (at restaurants, so again with the less strict diet), I had a gluten reaction to contaminated fudge, accidentally drank soy-containing tea (someone please explain to me why there needs to be SOY in TEA for Gods' sake), and didn't get a ton of sleep because of the loud city noise outside.
And so, by the time it was approaching New Year's Eve and we were waiting at the airport to fly back up, we both felt like we'd been run over by a steamroller. Of course, that was when storms were delaying everything coming through O'Hare and our flight ended up being delayed for three hours. Eventually we got back after a windy and foggy landing, her dad came and got us, and we collapsed in her parents' guest room at like seven in the evening.
The next day we spent collapsed in a state of no energy. I retrained the dogs (after they had destroyed a few things out of boredom and acquired a couple of other naughty habits from being without my strict rules for several days), convinced the cats that we were not abandoning them forever and ever, and mostly just attempted to recover. Neither of us had it in us to cook, so we ate frozen food, which didn't really help our energy levels. And the next day we packed the car, stuffing it completely with all of our presents, and drove all seven hours back to Iowa.
We chased the sunset for around an hour, and reached our town just as full dark came on. We both caffeinated in order to stay awake long enough to get everyone and everything inside. Then we slept. Yesterday we both woke up sick, our weakened state inviting a cold in. She went to get food because we had nothing in the fridge and we knew that was the key. We cooked three different really healthy vegetable dishes and ate way more than usual, and felt better afterward.
We're still recovering. It was a crazy trip, but it was great to see everyone. The more I'm away from most of my people, the more I realize how important it is to keep in touch with them. Plus, sometimes you have to leave for awhile to understand how nice it is to have your own place somewhere isolated and quiet. Boy are we glad to be back.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Accidental Buddhist
It might have been coming to terms with Narcolepsy that did it, or maybe moving to the country. It might have been partly a result of living in Tokyo for ten months during a time when I was feeling very vulnerable and looking for a new direction. It might have been various books I read out of my girlfriend's library when I was trying to figure out how to deal with life away from my parents making me plan everything. But one thing is certain: it snuck up on me.
I started out stressed out about the future. Like, really stressed out-- how was I going to make it in the real world, being so tired I can't see straight? How was I going to afford health insurance and my medication? Was I ever going to move out of my parents' house? During that time, part of me was annoyed at how stressed out I was. I would yell at my dog and feel terrible, but if I didn't yell it got pent up. I was also an anxious mess in a lot of ways, because there were no easy answers to my questions. I was more or less trapped. I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I found that my parents leaving for two weeks allowed me to relax a bit, and it felt right. I tried to carry it over to when they returned, but it was impossible. The tv was always blaring; someone was always complaining about work. The city outside was so loud that being in our tiny yard wasn't restful. Everything was too fast-paced for me and so even running errands was something that was supposed to be rushed. Only then, I would be back home again, still with nowhere to escape the tension.
I did find one place I could go to relax: I would take my dog to the park. The main areas were usually crowded and I'd end up having to talk to people, but there was a Japanese garden that had quiet benches where my dog and I could sit and soak up the trees and grass and sunshine. It was heavenly, but I had to drive there, so by the time we got home again I was a tense mess. There was nowhere like that within walking distance of my house.
Then I had an incredibly huge stroke of luck and found out that my best friend was, in fact, in love with me, too. So I left that place and came here, to the middle of nowhere, to live with my girlfriend and her parents. This place is not perfect, of course. It gets very cold here and there are stairs between me and the dogs and the outside world. But it was this place that taught me how to be still and quiet and relaxed. Here, I can step outside and come across no one who I don't know well- no pressure. The background noise is the sound of birds, ground squirrels, and horses, plus very distant traffic. Here you can really listen. It's the perfect place for meditating- though it took me awhile to figure out that's what I was doing.
Living here, life is determined by what the animals need- our dogs, cats, horses and donkey have various chores attached to them that happen throughout the day. Animals live firmly in the present and it rubs off on you as you care for them. It certainly rubbed off on me. So I ended up not planning my day out. Instead, I wait and see how I feel and what needs to be done, and then I do what feels right. I went from the "tomorrow at 2 PM" mentality to the "maybe we'll do it on Thursday" mentality, if that makes sense. And as I became more firmly rooted in the present, the past and future began to bother me less. I started to recognize their importance without attaching so much fear to them. I started to think calmly about what needed to happen that specific day instead of freaking out about how I'm going to be feeling in ten years. I'm still slowly thinking over what I'm going to do about health insurance when I'm no longer covered by my parents, but it's far enough away that I'm not afraid when I think about it- I'm just calm and thoughtful and able to think clearly.
And this is how I ended up accidentally a Buddhist.
I started out stressed out about the future. Like, really stressed out-- how was I going to make it in the real world, being so tired I can't see straight? How was I going to afford health insurance and my medication? Was I ever going to move out of my parents' house? During that time, part of me was annoyed at how stressed out I was. I would yell at my dog and feel terrible, but if I didn't yell it got pent up. I was also an anxious mess in a lot of ways, because there were no easy answers to my questions. I was more or less trapped. I didn't know what to do with myself. Then I found that my parents leaving for two weeks allowed me to relax a bit, and it felt right. I tried to carry it over to when they returned, but it was impossible. The tv was always blaring; someone was always complaining about work. The city outside was so loud that being in our tiny yard wasn't restful. Everything was too fast-paced for me and so even running errands was something that was supposed to be rushed. Only then, I would be back home again, still with nowhere to escape the tension.
I did find one place I could go to relax: I would take my dog to the park. The main areas were usually crowded and I'd end up having to talk to people, but there was a Japanese garden that had quiet benches where my dog and I could sit and soak up the trees and grass and sunshine. It was heavenly, but I had to drive there, so by the time we got home again I was a tense mess. There was nowhere like that within walking distance of my house.
Then I had an incredibly huge stroke of luck and found out that my best friend was, in fact, in love with me, too. So I left that place and came here, to the middle of nowhere, to live with my girlfriend and her parents. This place is not perfect, of course. It gets very cold here and there are stairs between me and the dogs and the outside world. But it was this place that taught me how to be still and quiet and relaxed. Here, I can step outside and come across no one who I don't know well- no pressure. The background noise is the sound of birds, ground squirrels, and horses, plus very distant traffic. Here you can really listen. It's the perfect place for meditating- though it took me awhile to figure out that's what I was doing.
Living here, life is determined by what the animals need- our dogs, cats, horses and donkey have various chores attached to them that happen throughout the day. Animals live firmly in the present and it rubs off on you as you care for them. It certainly rubbed off on me. So I ended up not planning my day out. Instead, I wait and see how I feel and what needs to be done, and then I do what feels right. I went from the "tomorrow at 2 PM" mentality to the "maybe we'll do it on Thursday" mentality, if that makes sense. And as I became more firmly rooted in the present, the past and future began to bother me less. I started to recognize their importance without attaching so much fear to them. I started to think calmly about what needed to happen that specific day instead of freaking out about how I'm going to be feeling in ten years. I'm still slowly thinking over what I'm going to do about health insurance when I'm no longer covered by my parents, but it's far enough away that I'm not afraid when I think about it- I'm just calm and thoughtful and able to think clearly.
And this is how I ended up accidentally a Buddhist.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Not Moving After All
After lots and lots of fanagling, endless planning and unplanning, and generally trying to make things work, we've realized the best thing for us to do is to put off moving for awhile. On the one hand, this made us both feel much better immediately. We really do need more time and more money before moving becomes practical. My girlfriend went from tense and worried to smiling and laughing within about ten minutes of making the decision, which is really, really good to see. We had been worrying over this problem for over a week since finding out that we were mistaken about how much my parents are willing to help us financially, and it was taking a toll on both of us. I also relaxed quite a bit. And I should mention that it was mostly my idea that maybe we should stay here before I go on. After all, I do like it here. I enjoy the lack of people in the middle of nowhere. I adore having all of our animals, especially the horses, closeby. I have a wonderful relationship with my future mother-in-law; I can actually talk to her about things that make sense to both of us, because mentally we're from the same planet (and I can't say the same about my own parents). She pays attention to us and helps out in a way that isn't at all intrusive. I love the property that we have out here, with a creek for my dachshund to get muddy in, trees to climb, fields to stroll in and explore with our big dog. And the countryside around here is beautiful.
But it has its problems, too, like any place. It's difficult to get good fruit, even after winter is over. It's still a bit chilly for me and I have to wear layers, which I hate. There might end up being one month of the year when I'm comfortable outside without confining my body in sweatshirts and feeling mummified by fabric. The house has stairs, which are getting harder for me to deal with, and the dogs downstairs don't get along with ours, making everything really complicated when trying to put them outside. And intellectually I do know there will be a few cons to any place we ever live, especially with my physical problems. But I did have my hopes up. I was so excited to be going home, to take my girlfriend (who means everything to me) back to where I grew up. I'm incredibly homesick, which is something that I didn't figure out until I realized that we weren't going there this summer. I went from stressed out to really depressed in that same ten minutes.
Part of it is that I miss my family and friends there. But mostly I miss the place. When I'm there, I feel so connected to the land. I'm not sure how to describe what I mean without sounding a little crazy. It's like there are roots growing down out of my shoes, through the asphalt, down into the earth. Every species of wildflower feels like a part of me; every azalea bush, magnolia tree, taloe, oak. The ocean is always there in the back of my mind, comforting me, whether or not I ever find time or means to go to the beach. Even the power lines and pigeons and smog are old friends. The people are my people; they have my accent and various amounts of Spanish and skin of many different colors. These are the things I miss the most— daily life things, existence things.
We are still planning to live there at some point. Maybe in December, if we can afford it, missing most of the winter here. And I'm hoping we can visit this summer for a week or two. In the meantime I'm going to try to wrench myself away from thinking about what might have been and try to go back to enjoying living here. But it does smart a little.
But it has its problems, too, like any place. It's difficult to get good fruit, even after winter is over. It's still a bit chilly for me and I have to wear layers, which I hate. There might end up being one month of the year when I'm comfortable outside without confining my body in sweatshirts and feeling mummified by fabric. The house has stairs, which are getting harder for me to deal with, and the dogs downstairs don't get along with ours, making everything really complicated when trying to put them outside. And intellectually I do know there will be a few cons to any place we ever live, especially with my physical problems. But I did have my hopes up. I was so excited to be going home, to take my girlfriend (who means everything to me) back to where I grew up. I'm incredibly homesick, which is something that I didn't figure out until I realized that we weren't going there this summer. I went from stressed out to really depressed in that same ten minutes.
Part of it is that I miss my family and friends there. But mostly I miss the place. When I'm there, I feel so connected to the land. I'm not sure how to describe what I mean without sounding a little crazy. It's like there are roots growing down out of my shoes, through the asphalt, down into the earth. Every species of wildflower feels like a part of me; every azalea bush, magnolia tree, taloe, oak. The ocean is always there in the back of my mind, comforting me, whether or not I ever find time or means to go to the beach. Even the power lines and pigeons and smog are old friends. The people are my people; they have my accent and various amounts of Spanish and skin of many different colors. These are the things I miss the most— daily life things, existence things.
We are still planning to live there at some point. Maybe in December, if we can afford it, missing most of the winter here. And I'm hoping we can visit this summer for a week or two. In the meantime I'm going to try to wrench myself away from thinking about what might have been and try to go back to enjoying living here. But it does smart a little.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Totally Drained
What a crazy weekend. My girlfriend and I flew to my home state of Texas so she could go to a job fair for teachers there. I don't know if I've mentioned on here (since I've been neglecting my blog horribly) that we've decided to move there in July. We made that decision based on a number of things, including the fact that if we stayed up north for another winter I might freeze into a human popsicle, but also because she's ready for somewhere new and different to live. And my hometown has the advantage of lots of connections (I have a huge extended family), parental support, and lots of school districts for her to apply to. So far we've found one summer school and five full time job openings there and she's applied to all of them. We were a little worried about when we could start apartment hunting since we may not know if she's hired until the summer, until we looked things up and crunched some numbers and realized that actually she could support us by being a substitute teacher if she doesn't get any of the other jobs. We would still rather for sure be okay, however, so we went down for the job fair, figuring it might give her an edge on her first choice full time position.
We left on Friday and said goodbye to our cats, dogs and horses. My girlfriend's mom looked after them while we were gone. The trip there went fine and we got to catch up with my parents (who I hadn't seen since January). It was really, really good to see them. On Saturday my girlfriend went to the job fair, which was pretty intimidating but went well. Apparently it was packed with people. She left her resume with a bunch of schools, even though only one in that district was hiring for English, so if something opens up they might remember her.
Right after that we went to look at an apartment complex that we found online. It's affordable but really nice and has great outdoor spaces for the dogs- and us- to enjoy. We liked it a lot and found out they had the perfect apartment available. It's exactly the right size for us and the perfect layout- it even has a well-lit space for my art desk. Plus it's on the ground floor, which was important because stairs are exhausting for me. They only allow two pets, which at first made me unhappy. But my girlfriend made the point that our cats could stay with her mom until our third college roommate could take them. She's their favorite person on the planet, and loves cats more than anything. So I think it will work out. The more I think about it, the more I realize that being in charge of two cats and two dogs during the day has been pretty exhausting. As much as I love them, I think our friend could take better care of our cats, leaving me with more energy to enjoy being with the dogs. The apartment has been put on hold for us and we're filling out the application tonight. It's very exciting and takes a load of my mind that we have someplace to live lined up.
After that we went and visited one of my high school friends briefly, then went out to dinner with my parents. By the time we got back to their house we were both flattened. Even though I slept in during the job fair, I still way overdid it on Saturday. But it was worth it for how much we got to do and it was our only day there after all.
On Sunday I woke up with no energy whatsoever. My mom drove us to the airport in the morning. I spent the wait for our flight in a total daze, and my girlfriend wasn't any better off- she had eaten something at the restaurant that bothered her stomach and felt nasty the whole way home. Even after sitting on the plane and napping for most of the three hour flight, I was so tired I was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other when we got off the plane. Then, to make things even better, we got lost looking for the train. It took most of a Starbucks tea to wake me up enough just to walk. Eventually we found the train. I slept. We got on a bus to the parking lot where our car was. When we finally reached it we still had over another hour of driving to do to get to the middle of nowhere where we live. My girlfriend needed caffeine in order to drive because she was so tired. We made it back after a stop at the grocery store (since we had no food at home). The dogs were in the front yard and very happy to see us. We went to bed early.
Yesterday I didn't feel any better. I was so tired I couldn't do any cleaning- I just read a book all day, or slept. I didn't feel up to doing the stairs, but my girlfriend's mom helped me by putting the dogs outside. I fell asleep on the table several times. The cats didn't mind; they were very clingy because they were happy I was back. I stayed upstairs all day.
Today I'm definitely still recovering. I've been able to do some cleaning, though, and I haven't been falling asleep when I'm concentrating on staying awake. I can do the stairs again, just not quite as much as usual. I'm looking forward to living somewhere without stairs. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal amount of lack of energy tomorrow.
We left on Friday and said goodbye to our cats, dogs and horses. My girlfriend's mom looked after them while we were gone. The trip there went fine and we got to catch up with my parents (who I hadn't seen since January). It was really, really good to see them. On Saturday my girlfriend went to the job fair, which was pretty intimidating but went well. Apparently it was packed with people. She left her resume with a bunch of schools, even though only one in that district was hiring for English, so if something opens up they might remember her.
Right after that we went to look at an apartment complex that we found online. It's affordable but really nice and has great outdoor spaces for the dogs- and us- to enjoy. We liked it a lot and found out they had the perfect apartment available. It's exactly the right size for us and the perfect layout- it even has a well-lit space for my art desk. Plus it's on the ground floor, which was important because stairs are exhausting for me. They only allow two pets, which at first made me unhappy. But my girlfriend made the point that our cats could stay with her mom until our third college roommate could take them. She's their favorite person on the planet, and loves cats more than anything. So I think it will work out. The more I think about it, the more I realize that being in charge of two cats and two dogs during the day has been pretty exhausting. As much as I love them, I think our friend could take better care of our cats, leaving me with more energy to enjoy being with the dogs. The apartment has been put on hold for us and we're filling out the application tonight. It's very exciting and takes a load of my mind that we have someplace to live lined up.
After that we went and visited one of my high school friends briefly, then went out to dinner with my parents. By the time we got back to their house we were both flattened. Even though I slept in during the job fair, I still way overdid it on Saturday. But it was worth it for how much we got to do and it was our only day there after all.
On Sunday I woke up with no energy whatsoever. My mom drove us to the airport in the morning. I spent the wait for our flight in a total daze, and my girlfriend wasn't any better off- she had eaten something at the restaurant that bothered her stomach and felt nasty the whole way home. Even after sitting on the plane and napping for most of the three hour flight, I was so tired I was having trouble putting one foot in front of the other when we got off the plane. Then, to make things even better, we got lost looking for the train. It took most of a Starbucks tea to wake me up enough just to walk. Eventually we found the train. I slept. We got on a bus to the parking lot where our car was. When we finally reached it we still had over another hour of driving to do to get to the middle of nowhere where we live. My girlfriend needed caffeine in order to drive because she was so tired. We made it back after a stop at the grocery store (since we had no food at home). The dogs were in the front yard and very happy to see us. We went to bed early.
Yesterday I didn't feel any better. I was so tired I couldn't do any cleaning- I just read a book all day, or slept. I didn't feel up to doing the stairs, but my girlfriend's mom helped me by putting the dogs outside. I fell asleep on the table several times. The cats didn't mind; they were very clingy because they were happy I was back. I stayed upstairs all day.
Today I'm definitely still recovering. I've been able to do some cleaning, though, and I haven't been falling asleep when I'm concentrating on staying awake. I can do the stairs again, just not quite as much as usual. I'm looking forward to living somewhere without stairs. Hopefully I'll be back to my normal amount of lack of energy tomorrow.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Itching to Clean
Well, the double cold ended up looking more like the flu- we were both feeling pretty awful for four days each. My girlfriend didn't go back to work until yesterday (she was still recovering even then) and I was still feeling really miserable. Today was my last day of feeling sick I think, or at least the first day I've really felt like I was starting to recover. Mostly today I was just wiped out. I thought I was exhausted before, but getting sick has given me a new perspective on things. I didn't venture down the stairs for several days, and when I did it this morning- to take Noodle outside to go to the bathroom- it completely flattened me. By the afternoon I felt better, and then the challenge was to avoid doing too much. With both of us out of commission since last weekend started, and with four pets up here in addition to us, things have gotten pretty filthy. My girlfriend recovered first, but she's had a lot to do with work, tutoring and pets; besides that she's really not the cleaning type. Now, my girlfriend and I are agreed on one thing- I'm a little bit crazy. I love cleaning. It's not that I'm obsessive about it being clean all the time or something, though if I'm honest with myself I may have inherited a little of that from my dad (who is a total neatfreak). It's more just something that gives me satisfaction, that I enjoy doing and that I think is fun. Yes, I think sweeping is really entertaining, lol. So today it was pretty difficult to keep myself in check. There's a nice layer of fur on the floor everywhere and the surfaces have food gunk or crumbs on them from having our food near us. Things- like books, DVDs, and empty kleenex boxes, have been migrating around the upstairs. I even found an uneaten clementine in a bag somewhere, forgotten because we didn't bring it when we went into the other room a couple days ago. So I let myself move a few things around and sweep a tiny bit in the worst room. I did a few dishes and cleaned a couple of counters and felt much better about life. I was careful, though, and tired quickly as expected. I think I'll end up doing a lot tomorrow- hopefully feeling even better than I did today- and I can start to get caught up. Did I mention the laundry? We've got about six loads at this point, since we were sick when we usually do it.
And here's a dream I've been meaning to record. I got up in the night to take more Xyrem and go use the bathroom. I was at the house I grew up in, which for some reason didn't tip me off- I was convinced it was real life. I get to the bathroom to find that, once again, the toilet is obviously not working. I sigh and decide I'd better use the other bathroom, so I head in that direction. I reach out and open the door. Bright light shines on me and suddenly I see that there's this teenage girl standing on the inside of the door, looking straight at me with this huge smile on her face. I jump about a foot in the air since I wasn't expecting anyone, especially somebody I'd never seen before, to be in there. She starts laughing and I try to laugh it off but I'm pretty creeped out by the whole thing. Her grin is so big that it's stretching her face unnaturally. I figured out it was a dream at that point, and instead of searching for a bathroom I started trying to figure out how to wake up. I just wandered around the house hoping to snap out of it, figuring I would feel different if I actually woke up. Which I did after awhile, very confused about which house I was in, but also quite relieved.
And here's a dream I've been meaning to record. I got up in the night to take more Xyrem and go use the bathroom. I was at the house I grew up in, which for some reason didn't tip me off- I was convinced it was real life. I get to the bathroom to find that, once again, the toilet is obviously not working. I sigh and decide I'd better use the other bathroom, so I head in that direction. I reach out and open the door. Bright light shines on me and suddenly I see that there's this teenage girl standing on the inside of the door, looking straight at me with this huge smile on her face. I jump about a foot in the air since I wasn't expecting anyone, especially somebody I'd never seen before, to be in there. She starts laughing and I try to laugh it off but I'm pretty creeped out by the whole thing. Her grin is so big that it's stretching her face unnaturally. I figured out it was a dream at that point, and instead of searching for a bathroom I started trying to figure out how to wake up. I just wandered around the house hoping to snap out of it, figuring I would feel different if I actually woke up. Which I did after awhile, very confused about which house I was in, but also quite relieved.
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