Since we moved back into the area, we've been in search of support groups that have trans members. Transsexualism isn't really something you can talk about to just anyone you meet, and even when you can people usually can't relate. First we tried driving an hour to the nearest city, but it was just too inconvenient. Then we realized there's actually a chapter of PFLAG (an LGBT and allies group) just twenty minutes away.
The first meeting we went to (they're monthly) wasn't terribly exciting, but that might have just been because I slept through it. The meetings take place at night, and I forgot to drink caffeine before we left, so by the time announcements were done and it was time to discuss things, I was out in my chair, dozing on my husband's shoulder. I was really annoyed at myself because the people seemed great and the atmosphere safe and friendly. So this time, I went armed with dark chocolate pieces to keep me awake there after drinking the strongest jasmine tea in the house.
It did sort of work, and it was a meeting that was specifically about trans issues with a speaker who had a transman son, so very relevant to us. I mostly didn't zone out, though I ended up pretty whacked out on excess caffeine and sugar. WHY do people meet at night of all times? Thank God the writer's group we go to is in the middle of the day on the weekend...
Well, at least I didn't miss anything this time. I even spoke up at one point because we were talking about the relationship between sexual orientation and gender identity (they are two very distinct and unrelated things, from my point of view) and people were half-convincing themselves that asexuals (who they didn't even know the word for) and androgynous people must be the same. I know multiple asexuals and most of them identify as female so I stood up for them, which everyone, especially this somewhat creepy counselor guy, seemed to be really interested in. It seems weird to me that a roomful of people who deviate from mainstream sexuality/gender wouldn't know that if they exist, surely other variations on the same theme do also. But, I know I have a really different perspective because I know a randomly and accidentally very diverse group of people.
But I thought the best part was as everyone was leaving, because we got to meet and talk to a bunch of people who were really cool and nice and supportive to each other. We met a transman who's in high school who immediately connected with J, J's mom got to talk with another mom for a long time, and I got randomly pounced on by people. The speaker randomly ran over (like, seriously ran) and hugged me for having married a transman because her son had always had a hard time finding a mate. I thought it was sweet, but mystifying, because I honestly can't figure out why I wouldn't be with a transman/J because we're so well-matched emotionally. Then I realized it probably had to do with the fact that I'm not "out" to these people... they don't know about my disability for the most part, and this woman didn't see me asleep last week. Therefore, they don't know that J actually does way more to take care of me than I have to do for him usually. I guess if he was the only "difficult" one lol, it would be harder for most people to stick around. Instead, I probably am harder to live with, through no fault of my own. I'm so grateful to have J that him being trans and all the difficulties that go with it just don't register most of the time.
We also ended up talking to an older transwoman for awhile until J's mom dragged us out because she could see me starting to sway on my feet. We didn't get home until almost 11, and I spent the next 24 hours recovering. I would say I wish the meetings were more frequent, but if they were I would be screwed. Someone should put a meeting during sane hours, just for me.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wedding Plans: A Disaster Movie
As I might have mentioned I've been planning (or attempting to plan) my wedding since we decided on a date around November. Since then, the universe has been doing its best to foil everything, to the point where it's seriously getting comical. XD
Well, from the start, as a legally gay couple, we can't have the thing in whatever state. All the states where our families live don't have legal gay marriage, though at least Illinois will recognize it as a civil union after some other state does the dirty work. Not that that does us a lot of good yet. Fortunately, Iowa is allowing it at least for now, much to everyone's surprise. No offense to Iowa, but it isn't the first place you think of when you think of inclusive rights. It's like, the first place you think of when you think of corn fields, pig barns and windmills. But who am I to complain. We even were living there when we started planning, and thought we would be for several years. Plenty of time to get married and enjoy the legitimacy, official status and things like me being on my transman's insurance even before he gets surgery. So we set a date, now only a couple of weeks away, excited to become bound together for life officially.
We had the thing mostly done after a few months when we hit a snag and decided to switch parks because of various constraints on what we could put up and rent at our original park. And, me being me, the lack of bathroom there posed a problem. We had figured out everything else except our hotel and the flowers. So we went down to the area we had chosen (the only place my relatives could easily fly into from Texas) and chose a better park we liked even more. We loved this park; everything about it was perfect. It was private, allowed our dogs, had a great pavilion with the perfect seating, and a deck onto the Missouri River (I have a thing for water). So we booked it, even more excited then before. While there we found a great P.F. Chang's for the rehearsal dinner (a restaurant famous for gluten-free options- If you're a Celiac and like Chinese food, GO THERE). We returned to our home in Iowa, pleased with ourselves.
By then we knew that we were moving back to Wisconsin for an indefinite period of time to live with my fiance's parents again. Both J and the school he was teaching at decided separately that he wouldn't be continuing with them next year. We applied all over the country for a new teaching position, but then everything changed when we realized J is going to go through gender transition this next year. After all, the public school system isn't really the best place to do that. Still, the wedding was on, mostly planned and going to be in Iowa whether we lived there anymore or not because it's the only state in the Midwest where we could do it.
And that was when all the flooding began. You've probably seen it on the news. The Missouri is closing roads and chasing people out of their homes, and because of where our perfect park was, it was the first thing to be underwater. We got an email from the county park people right after the flooding began. Frustrated, we started looking for somewhere else to have it.
It took us awhile to give up on having it outside, then awhile longer to give up having it on the Iowa side of the river. Meanwhile we were moving and I was coming down with mono. Everything was up in the air for awhile. Then J's older brother called us to tell us about a really nice indoor place in Omaha, complete with art gallery and Asian theme, that was full of natural light. We really liked it, and decided it was worth having our wedding ceremony happen across the river from the official paperwork. Relieved, we booked it and agreed to have two ceremonies: one five minute legal one and then one for our guests.
And then I got really sick and went to the doctor to discover that I have mono. I got put on lots of meds and spent the last week in bed, slowly starting to feel human again. Unfortunately, it was basically guaranteed that J caught it from me because we share glasses and other dishes (and make out >.>) all the time. Oh great, we thought. I'm almost through the worst of it and will most likely be totally fine by the wedding, but he's just starting to show fatigue. And that means, unless we're extremely lucky, he's going to be sick on the 9th. As a virus it could last any lengthy of time and all you can do to speed up healing is lie down a lot. But you also never know; he's very healthy most of the time, so fatigue might be all he gets. And because we don't know for sure, we don't want to cancel after all we've done getting the thing planned (not to mention all of our guests having bought their plane tickets).
So we're thinking, okay, so what else could go wrong? Volcanoes? A lightning strike right on the place we chose, instantly vaporizing it? I even put a joke in my mass email about it. Then we start hearing about nuclear reactors getting flooded upriver. Even I didn't see that one coming. Nuclear reactors? Really? So I asked my dad, who has worked in them before, if we should be worried about this because my mother-in-law is freaking out. He says that no, they were able to shut them down and therefore people in the area aren't in any danger. So I'm like, cool. At least my wedding won't give anyone radiation poisoning. (What is with all this?? Right?)
And then I start hearing that they might shut down the Omaha Airport. Now, out of all this stuff, that has the potential to kill it. There are only a few people driving and almost everyone is flying in there, including my parents. At least they've said they will drive if their flight gets rerouted, but the other guests I'm not so sure about. It kills me because at this point, I just want to get the damned thing over with so I can stop messing with it. Honestly, I'm not into weddings. I wanted to elope but J and I decided we would have a ceremony so our families could be there. Also, when it hasn't been legal for very long, it's almost a statement saying, look, we may be two women (so we thought at the time anyway) but we're just a normal couple. And we weren't sure how our extended families would react, so it was a way of including them in the process, allowing them to meet each other, and before it got irritatingly complicated, I was starting to actually look forward to it. J is changing his name when I do so it's also a step in his transition.
In other words, I want this to happen, but the world may not. I don't know which would be worse: changing the date to the fall sometime or just doing it in a closer county without any of my family or friends present. I don't want to wait, I don't want to plan another big thing some other time, and I don't want to have to leave it out of reach of my family. All the choices suck.
Now I'm left to wait and see. What happens with the flooding in the next two weeks will most likely determine its fate. I decided I don't want to cancel it all unless the airport closes because that way, people will get their tickets refunded. I'm afraid that if I cancel it short of that I'm going to regret it. So I might be getting married. Or, the world might continue to pretend to be the movie 2012. Fingers crossed is all I can do.
Well, from the start, as a legally gay couple, we can't have the thing in whatever state. All the states where our families live don't have legal gay marriage, though at least Illinois will recognize it as a civil union after some other state does the dirty work. Not that that does us a lot of good yet. Fortunately, Iowa is allowing it at least for now, much to everyone's surprise. No offense to Iowa, but it isn't the first place you think of when you think of inclusive rights. It's like, the first place you think of when you think of corn fields, pig barns and windmills. But who am I to complain. We even were living there when we started planning, and thought we would be for several years. Plenty of time to get married and enjoy the legitimacy, official status and things like me being on my transman's insurance even before he gets surgery. So we set a date, now only a couple of weeks away, excited to become bound together for life officially.
We had the thing mostly done after a few months when we hit a snag and decided to switch parks because of various constraints on what we could put up and rent at our original park. And, me being me, the lack of bathroom there posed a problem. We had figured out everything else except our hotel and the flowers. So we went down to the area we had chosen (the only place my relatives could easily fly into from Texas) and chose a better park we liked even more. We loved this park; everything about it was perfect. It was private, allowed our dogs, had a great pavilion with the perfect seating, and a deck onto the Missouri River (I have a thing for water). So we booked it, even more excited then before. While there we found a great P.F. Chang's for the rehearsal dinner (a restaurant famous for gluten-free options- If you're a Celiac and like Chinese food, GO THERE). We returned to our home in Iowa, pleased with ourselves.
By then we knew that we were moving back to Wisconsin for an indefinite period of time to live with my fiance's parents again. Both J and the school he was teaching at decided separately that he wouldn't be continuing with them next year. We applied all over the country for a new teaching position, but then everything changed when we realized J is going to go through gender transition this next year. After all, the public school system isn't really the best place to do that. Still, the wedding was on, mostly planned and going to be in Iowa whether we lived there anymore or not because it's the only state in the Midwest where we could do it.
And that was when all the flooding began. You've probably seen it on the news. The Missouri is closing roads and chasing people out of their homes, and because of where our perfect park was, it was the first thing to be underwater. We got an email from the county park people right after the flooding began. Frustrated, we started looking for somewhere else to have it.
It took us awhile to give up on having it outside, then awhile longer to give up having it on the Iowa side of the river. Meanwhile we were moving and I was coming down with mono. Everything was up in the air for awhile. Then J's older brother called us to tell us about a really nice indoor place in Omaha, complete with art gallery and Asian theme, that was full of natural light. We really liked it, and decided it was worth having our wedding ceremony happen across the river from the official paperwork. Relieved, we booked it and agreed to have two ceremonies: one five minute legal one and then one for our guests.
And then I got really sick and went to the doctor to discover that I have mono. I got put on lots of meds and spent the last week in bed, slowly starting to feel human again. Unfortunately, it was basically guaranteed that J caught it from me because we share glasses and other dishes (and make out >.>) all the time. Oh great, we thought. I'm almost through the worst of it and will most likely be totally fine by the wedding, but he's just starting to show fatigue. And that means, unless we're extremely lucky, he's going to be sick on the 9th. As a virus it could last any lengthy of time and all you can do to speed up healing is lie down a lot. But you also never know; he's very healthy most of the time, so fatigue might be all he gets. And because we don't know for sure, we don't want to cancel after all we've done getting the thing planned (not to mention all of our guests having bought their plane tickets).
So we're thinking, okay, so what else could go wrong? Volcanoes? A lightning strike right on the place we chose, instantly vaporizing it? I even put a joke in my mass email about it. Then we start hearing about nuclear reactors getting flooded upriver. Even I didn't see that one coming. Nuclear reactors? Really? So I asked my dad, who has worked in them before, if we should be worried about this because my mother-in-law is freaking out. He says that no, they were able to shut them down and therefore people in the area aren't in any danger. So I'm like, cool. At least my wedding won't give anyone radiation poisoning. (What is with all this?? Right?)
And then I start hearing that they might shut down the Omaha Airport. Now, out of all this stuff, that has the potential to kill it. There are only a few people driving and almost everyone is flying in there, including my parents. At least they've said they will drive if their flight gets rerouted, but the other guests I'm not so sure about. It kills me because at this point, I just want to get the damned thing over with so I can stop messing with it. Honestly, I'm not into weddings. I wanted to elope but J and I decided we would have a ceremony so our families could be there. Also, when it hasn't been legal for very long, it's almost a statement saying, look, we may be two women (so we thought at the time anyway) but we're just a normal couple. And we weren't sure how our extended families would react, so it was a way of including them in the process, allowing them to meet each other, and before it got irritatingly complicated, I was starting to actually look forward to it. J is changing his name when I do so it's also a step in his transition.
In other words, I want this to happen, but the world may not. I don't know which would be worse: changing the date to the fall sometime or just doing it in a closer county without any of my family or friends present. I don't want to wait, I don't want to plan another big thing some other time, and I don't want to have to leave it out of reach of my family. All the choices suck.
Now I'm left to wait and see. What happens with the flooding in the next two weeks will most likely determine its fate. I decided I don't want to cancel it all unless the airport closes because that way, people will get their tickets refunded. I'm afraid that if I cancel it short of that I'm going to regret it. So I might be getting married. Or, the world might continue to pretend to be the movie 2012. Fingers crossed is all I can do.
Monday, December 20, 2010
What's This?? A Social Life or Something?
I hung out with/talked to two non-family people this weekend. Human people! o.O Woah... This may seem to some like a low-key, boring weekend if you're used to partying, or are in college. The thing is, ever since I found out what was making me sick and started having to cope with treatment and my special needs (as opposed to simply shoving through pretending to be normal), I've become more and more of a recluse. In high school I was constantly sick to my stomach and automatic-behavioring my way through everything including hanging out with my friends. Then my first year of college I found out about Celiac's. Explaining my special diet to everyone around me sucked. When you tell people who haven't heard of it before and explain the key points to them, they inevitably say one of about five completely moronic things:
1. Oh my gosh, how terrible!! D: Your life is so hard!! (Like I need to hear that from some schmuck who doesn't know me or my life at all...)
2. Did you say you can't eat meat? (Having misheard "wheat" XD)
3. I can't believe you can actually cut all that out of your diet!! I could never do that!!! (Trust me, if gluten caused you physical pain, you wouldn't have a hard time letting it go.)
4. If you eat a cookie, that means you could die??? (XD It's not an allergy like those people in the news who are killed by traces of peanuts.)
5. Oh! I know what you mean!! I have a minor allergy to -insert random food item here- and can only eat five cups of it before my scalp itches minorly!! I usually just ignore it though. :D (Oh yeah- obviously you know what a life-changing diet is like. XD)
After a couple of years of this, I just plain got tired of explaining it. So I just stopped telling people and stuck to friends who already knew and had lived with me through the changes. It didn't help that by that time, I also knew I had Narcolepsy and was on Xyrem, which has its own life changes that go with it. For those years I had to go to bed at a consistent time every night (otherwise my stomach and alertness were completely messed up the next day and sometimes the day after as well). This meant no surprise staying up, which is really tough on someone college-aged when most serious talking and socializing happens at night. It also caused generalized anxiety in me at the higher dose I was on, which, believe me, doesn't help in social situations. Those combined with culture shock after returning to America from Japan kept me completely isolated for my last year of college.
Luckily, returning to my hometown after graduation meant I had old friends who required no explaining nearby. A lower dose of Xyrem also helped me gain somewhat of a social life back, plus getting on a much-needed antidepressant for the first time in my life. I still kept to myself at art classes and in public and avoided explaining either illness as much as I could. Slowly I developed a better strategy than launching into a detailed explanation at a moment's provocation or avoiding the subject completely- instead I compromised by explaining one symptom at a time on a need-to-know basis. For example, when invited to eat with someone I would make it clear I needed to be the one to choose the restaurant or food choice. When falling asleep in class I would explain to other students that I was tired and needed a nap. So in this way as people came to know me, they came to know my needs and quirks, and slowly understood I wasn't normal.
And so nowadays I find it much easier to meet new people and talk to them. It also helps to have my girlfriend's support- I feel more protected, less exposed, in social situations. This weekend we had one of her coworkers over for lunch (we cooked, so there wasn't a problem there) and chatted for about four hours. It was great. We all had pretty good funny stories to share, and I even got to nap for half an hour in the middle without having to kick her out first. :) We also had a long, in-depth conversation on the phone with a chaplain who might officiate our wedding this summer. That was exhausting for me, because he wanted to get to know us and make sure that we really are ready to be married, and so asked pretty in-depth questions. He was really nice, though, and didn't pry for details about my illnesses. I know two new people (with one over the phone rather than in person XD) aren't most people's idea of a social life, but it was a pretty big leap for us since we just moved here and haven't had much opportunity to make local friends. So that is exciting. Maybe by the summer we'll have three friends or something, lol. 8D
1. Oh my gosh, how terrible!! D: Your life is so hard!! (Like I need to hear that from some schmuck who doesn't know me or my life at all...)
2. Did you say you can't eat meat? (Having misheard "wheat" XD)
3. I can't believe you can actually cut all that out of your diet!! I could never do that!!! (Trust me, if gluten caused you physical pain, you wouldn't have a hard time letting it go.)
4. If you eat a cookie, that means you could die??? (XD It's not an allergy like those people in the news who are killed by traces of peanuts.)
5. Oh! I know what you mean!! I have a minor allergy to -insert random food item here- and can only eat five cups of it before my scalp itches minorly!! I usually just ignore it though. :D (Oh yeah- obviously you know what a life-changing diet is like. XD)
After a couple of years of this, I just plain got tired of explaining it. So I just stopped telling people and stuck to friends who already knew and had lived with me through the changes. It didn't help that by that time, I also knew I had Narcolepsy and was on Xyrem, which has its own life changes that go with it. For those years I had to go to bed at a consistent time every night (otherwise my stomach and alertness were completely messed up the next day and sometimes the day after as well). This meant no surprise staying up, which is really tough on someone college-aged when most serious talking and socializing happens at night. It also caused generalized anxiety in me at the higher dose I was on, which, believe me, doesn't help in social situations. Those combined with culture shock after returning to America from Japan kept me completely isolated for my last year of college.
Luckily, returning to my hometown after graduation meant I had old friends who required no explaining nearby. A lower dose of Xyrem also helped me gain somewhat of a social life back, plus getting on a much-needed antidepressant for the first time in my life. I still kept to myself at art classes and in public and avoided explaining either illness as much as I could. Slowly I developed a better strategy than launching into a detailed explanation at a moment's provocation or avoiding the subject completely- instead I compromised by explaining one symptom at a time on a need-to-know basis. For example, when invited to eat with someone I would make it clear I needed to be the one to choose the restaurant or food choice. When falling asleep in class I would explain to other students that I was tired and needed a nap. So in this way as people came to know me, they came to know my needs and quirks, and slowly understood I wasn't normal.
And so nowadays I find it much easier to meet new people and talk to them. It also helps to have my girlfriend's support- I feel more protected, less exposed, in social situations. This weekend we had one of her coworkers over for lunch (we cooked, so there wasn't a problem there) and chatted for about four hours. It was great. We all had pretty good funny stories to share, and I even got to nap for half an hour in the middle without having to kick her out first. :) We also had a long, in-depth conversation on the phone with a chaplain who might officiate our wedding this summer. That was exhausting for me, because he wanted to get to know us and make sure that we really are ready to be married, and so asked pretty in-depth questions. He was really nice, though, and didn't pry for details about my illnesses. I know two new people (with one over the phone rather than in person XD) aren't most people's idea of a social life, but it was a pretty big leap for us since we just moved here and haven't had much opportunity to make local friends. So that is exciting. Maybe by the summer we'll have three friends or something, lol. 8D
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Japanese Deli Angel Wings Movie Date
Last night I had a pretty vivid but mixed-up dream. It started out that I was in some kind of deli that was part of a college and I was sitting at a table by myself, waiting for my mom to come back with her food (I wasn't eating there). As I was sitting there, I was observing the other people interacting at the other tables. It was like a scene from my hometown because of the diversity- I was one of the only white people there. One little girl saw me eavesdropping and grinned at me, and I grinned back. Then there was a lot of bustle right next to my table- several families were passing it to get to the counter- and I overheard them speaking in Japanese even though most of them weren't Japanese. When one of them bumped me on accident I said "excuse me" to them in polite Japanese without thinking. One of the women started asking me something and we had a brief conversation about how I could speak it. After that, they moved away, and I spotted someone I knew in elementary school who I hadn't spoken to in a long time, so I went over and sat down at her table.
She told me at length about what she was doing on her computer and complained about how her professors kept trying to get her to turn it into a career when she was pretty sure she didn't want to do whatever it was for a living, and we had a good heart-to-heart about life. After that, I think she took me to a lab to show me what she was working on, and she turned into a different friend I had in high school, and her project turned out to be this incredibly cool angel costume that had mechanical wings you could actually use. It was really really cool. It had chain mail and armor that you used to secure it to yourself. After that I think we went to see a movie (now with the elementary friend again), and the movie got a little jumbled up with the rest of the dream. Who I was kept switching around and sometimes I was in it and sometimes commenting on it. The movie was about a girl (A) falling in love with another girl (B). When A tells B, B freaks out and runs away and gets engaged to a guy who happens to ask her at that exact time, and it ends with A hoping B will change her mind. The me who was watching it was pretty disappointed in the ending because it seemed like it was going to work out and be happy and then it turned depressing. At the same time, though, I was happy about the way the movie portrayed A, as a completely normal girl who happened to not be straight.
That was about when I woke up, feeling confused and tired and wondering what on earth it all means.
She told me at length about what she was doing on her computer and complained about how her professors kept trying to get her to turn it into a career when she was pretty sure she didn't want to do whatever it was for a living, and we had a good heart-to-heart about life. After that, I think she took me to a lab to show me what she was working on, and she turned into a different friend I had in high school, and her project turned out to be this incredibly cool angel costume that had mechanical wings you could actually use. It was really really cool. It had chain mail and armor that you used to secure it to yourself. After that I think we went to see a movie (now with the elementary friend again), and the movie got a little jumbled up with the rest of the dream. Who I was kept switching around and sometimes I was in it and sometimes commenting on it. The movie was about a girl (A) falling in love with another girl (B). When A tells B, B freaks out and runs away and gets engaged to a guy who happens to ask her at that exact time, and it ends with A hoping B will change her mind. The me who was watching it was pretty disappointed in the ending because it seemed like it was going to work out and be happy and then it turned depressing. At the same time, though, I was happy about the way the movie portrayed A, as a completely normal girl who happened to not be straight.
That was about when I woke up, feeling confused and tired and wondering what on earth it all means.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Vampire Attack Technology Fair
I've been dreaming a lot lately, but it's been pretty fragmented. Most of the dreams I've had the past couple of weeks could be reduced to one or two lines. But last night was different- back to the usual intense, vivid experience.
I've been reading a fantasy novel about vampires sneaking up on people, so my first dream isn't really a surprise. It started out really fun, actually- I was one of the vampires and I had cool powers and I was running around feeding on people. I could see perfectly in the dark, suddenly appear or disappear and run really fast. I was also pretty high-ranking, so I had a couple other vampires under my command. I could manipulate them any way I wanted. That part was entertaining because I knew I was dreaming, so I knew I wasn't actually hurting anyone. Then I woke up from that dream. I was in the bedroom of my old house- the one I grew up in and where most of my nightmares take place. I sat up in my bed, thinking about the cool dream I just had. Suddenly I realized my leg hurt really, really bad and felt wet. It was literally throbbing with pain. I pulled off my pajama pants and looked. Right in the inside of my thigh was two round holes, bleeding profusely. The blood was intensely vivid red. It hurt so bad and I was terrified. I knew vampires didn't exist and I had only been dreaming, so I concluded that someone had seen me reading a novel about vampires and decided to sneak into my room and stab me while I was asleep (much more plausible, right?). So I started peering out my large windows, trying to make sure no one was out there, waiting for me to go to sleep again. I couldn't see anything, so I tried closing the blinds so they at least wouldn't be able to see me. Of course it wasn't working and I was having a hard time with my vision all of a sudden. I groped around trying to make sure I was still alone in the room, lashing out if I saw movement in case someone was about to grab me. Evidently I was the only one in the house, so I couldn't call for help. I got very scared until my neck froze up and struggling to move it woke me up into reality.
After being held for awhile and another dose of Xyrem, I did get back to sleep. This time I had a much more entertaining and fun dream. I was at some sort of technology fair where people were playing with trampolines that were video games. You would bounce and push different parts of the trampoline with your feet and hands and it would light up in different colors. Some trampolines had maps on them and you could bounce from place to place to score points. Many of my friends and relatives were there, from my dad to high school friends to people I barely knew in college. I spent most of the time playing with the games and being surprisingly not self conscious for being in so large a crowd. After that we went to a cafeteria for lunch and I realized I didn't have any food with me. Luckily I managed to locate quesadillas that happened to be gluten-free and a sandwich I could take the bread off of and just eat the inside. In real life contamination issues probably would have gotten me, but in the dream it turned out fine and I was proud of myself for being so social and adaptable. And I want one of those trampolines lol.
I've been reading a fantasy novel about vampires sneaking up on people, so my first dream isn't really a surprise. It started out really fun, actually- I was one of the vampires and I had cool powers and I was running around feeding on people. I could see perfectly in the dark, suddenly appear or disappear and run really fast. I was also pretty high-ranking, so I had a couple other vampires under my command. I could manipulate them any way I wanted. That part was entertaining because I knew I was dreaming, so I knew I wasn't actually hurting anyone. Then I woke up from that dream. I was in the bedroom of my old house- the one I grew up in and where most of my nightmares take place. I sat up in my bed, thinking about the cool dream I just had. Suddenly I realized my leg hurt really, really bad and felt wet. It was literally throbbing with pain. I pulled off my pajama pants and looked. Right in the inside of my thigh was two round holes, bleeding profusely. The blood was intensely vivid red. It hurt so bad and I was terrified. I knew vampires didn't exist and I had only been dreaming, so I concluded that someone had seen me reading a novel about vampires and decided to sneak into my room and stab me while I was asleep (much more plausible, right?). So I started peering out my large windows, trying to make sure no one was out there, waiting for me to go to sleep again. I couldn't see anything, so I tried closing the blinds so they at least wouldn't be able to see me. Of course it wasn't working and I was having a hard time with my vision all of a sudden. I groped around trying to make sure I was still alone in the room, lashing out if I saw movement in case someone was about to grab me. Evidently I was the only one in the house, so I couldn't call for help. I got very scared until my neck froze up and struggling to move it woke me up into reality.
After being held for awhile and another dose of Xyrem, I did get back to sleep. This time I had a much more entertaining and fun dream. I was at some sort of technology fair where people were playing with trampolines that were video games. You would bounce and push different parts of the trampoline with your feet and hands and it would light up in different colors. Some trampolines had maps on them and you could bounce from place to place to score points. Many of my friends and relatives were there, from my dad to high school friends to people I barely knew in college. I spent most of the time playing with the games and being surprisingly not self conscious for being in so large a crowd. After that we went to a cafeteria for lunch and I realized I didn't have any food with me. Luckily I managed to locate quesadillas that happened to be gluten-free and a sandwich I could take the bread off of and just eat the inside. In real life contamination issues probably would have gotten me, but in the dream it turned out fine and I was proud of myself for being so social and adaptable. And I want one of those trampolines lol.
Monday, January 25, 2010
High Rise Dog Crash
Last night was full of vivid and crazy but mostly not disturbing dreams. The one I remember was pretty interesting. I was living in an apartment in a high rise on a narrow street in downtown somewhere. I was sitting at a desk in my mostly dark room, and it was night outside my street-facing windows- I was high up, so you could see a spectacular night skyline out there. I was working on things on my laptop. I was getting frustrated because I was trying to set up a business site for my artwork, but I kept running into strange problems, like buttons I was supposed to push randomly disappearing and forms I was supposed to fill out not making any sense whatsoever. I finally thought I had it working, and I was uploading art to it when I looked out the window and saw a small dog leap off of someone else's rooftop right across the street and right in through my windows, smashing a small part of them. The dog was surprised and very angry, and immediately lashed out at my leg. It was a little, springy, ferocious dog with a long nose. I immediately stood up and turned dog whisperer, haha. The dog sat down and stopped attacking me. Thinking fast I grabbed some treats out of the cabinet and we started practicing sit and stay and lie down, which the dog figured out really fast. I knew I just needed to stall until the owner came to pick him up, as I assumed they would do soon since they saw which window the dog jumped into. We had fun doing that, and then we worked on manners a little bit. Suddenly I spotted this huge, red worm on my table- it looked and felt like it was made of jello, but it was definitely alive. I grabbed it with one hand and threw it out into my backyard that I suddenly had, and my hand got all slimy in the process. I offered my slimy hand to the dog, figuring it would gain me points. The dog was a little too eager and bit my hand, but I didn't have time to survey the damage because the owner- and haughty young woman, who didn't even apologize- came in and picked him up. She looked surprised at how calmly he was lying on the floor when she came in. She took him away, and just then two of my friends came in. It was weird because they were both totally made up and didn't look or act quite like any of my actual friends. I told them what had happened and then looked down at my hand to find that my left thumb was chopped off, very cleanly, at the first joint. There was no blood and it looked like something out of a cartoon- a wobbly circle in the center that was white like it was the bone, inside a pink circle inside a thin circle where the skin was. At that point I totally realized it was a dream, and talked to my friends about it and how dreams can be really weird, and then I totally regrew it on the spot. Then we were suddenly at one of the friends' houses at a classy party and I was trying to explain narcolepsy to people because they kept asking me what I'm doing for my career and I didn't feel like making something up. And then I woke up.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Art College Dorm Friends
More dreams. This time apparently more convincing. o.O
I was just moving in to this house to live with a group of other students from my art college, only they were all people I didn't know. We were exploring the small house, unpacking our things and joking around. Everyone seemed pretty nice. There were at least six of us, pretty much evenly divided between male and female though the numbers changed a little throughout the dream. A couple of people cooked dinner and made it gluten-free for me, which went fine. It was spaghetti and meatballs. We ate it while we watched this really dumb movie and people were making plans to go to another movie after dinner. It was getting late and I wasn't sure I should go, since I was exhausted and getting sleepy. I finished my dinner and looked around at everyone else, seated at two tables in our living room, which had no other furniture. I spotted one of the people who had cooked it. She looked a lot like one of my high school friends, even though she was supposedly a different person. She had seemed really nice so I thought I should get her attention (she was sitting at the other table) so maybe we could talk instead of going to the movie. As I watched, she started falling asleep sitting there, and I was interested to know if she had Narcolepsy too. I finally managed to signal her and so after dinner when everyone left, we ended up sitting in one of the bedrooms, talking. I kept trying to start my explanation of Narcolepsy because I really wanted to know if she had it, but she kept taking the conversation in some other direction every time I had an opportunity. Like, she asked me if I drank and I told her no, I can't because of my medication. But then she completely changed the subject to her stories and characters, which was really cool because we had that in common, so I gave up and figured I'd just end up explaining it all later. We were sitting on the floor, leaning over this sheet of notebook paper on which she had written the names of places in a world she had invented, and I was trying to pronounce them. I was happy because I had a new friend. And then I suddenly found myself in my bed, awake. I was really confused because I had been so positive I had actually been talking to this new friend. It took me a moment to figure out it was a dream.
I was just moving in to this house to live with a group of other students from my art college, only they were all people I didn't know. We were exploring the small house, unpacking our things and joking around. Everyone seemed pretty nice. There were at least six of us, pretty much evenly divided between male and female though the numbers changed a little throughout the dream. A couple of people cooked dinner and made it gluten-free for me, which went fine. It was spaghetti and meatballs. We ate it while we watched this really dumb movie and people were making plans to go to another movie after dinner. It was getting late and I wasn't sure I should go, since I was exhausted and getting sleepy. I finished my dinner and looked around at everyone else, seated at two tables in our living room, which had no other furniture. I spotted one of the people who had cooked it. She looked a lot like one of my high school friends, even though she was supposedly a different person. She had seemed really nice so I thought I should get her attention (she was sitting at the other table) so maybe we could talk instead of going to the movie. As I watched, she started falling asleep sitting there, and I was interested to know if she had Narcolepsy too. I finally managed to signal her and so after dinner when everyone left, we ended up sitting in one of the bedrooms, talking. I kept trying to start my explanation of Narcolepsy because I really wanted to know if she had it, but she kept taking the conversation in some other direction every time I had an opportunity. Like, she asked me if I drank and I told her no, I can't because of my medication. But then she completely changed the subject to her stories and characters, which was really cool because we had that in common, so I gave up and figured I'd just end up explaining it all later. We were sitting on the floor, leaning over this sheet of notebook paper on which she had written the names of places in a world she had invented, and I was trying to pronounce them. I was happy because I had a new friend. And then I suddenly found myself in my bed, awake. I was really confused because I had been so positive I had actually been talking to this new friend. It took me a moment to figure out it was a dream.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Fort Hotel Dog Drama
Last night I was freaking out about travel and dog drama to my girlfriend, so how my dreams turned out really didn't surprise me.
I was on a trip with my two college roommates (one of them being the girlfriend I'm always gushing over) and our hotel was basically a bunch of forts made out of sheets and clothespins over chairs and tables in this giant mall food court, complete with escalators, food (gluteny poisonous food) and random shopping. It was seriously random. I had woken up late and we were supposed to go on some tour of somewhere, and I was rushing trying to get ready, but I was so exhausted I could hardly move and I couldn't find any clothes besides my pajamas. I asked my non-girlfriend roommate if she had seen my stuff anywhere, but she hadn't, and she was busy sewing a quilt so she couldn't help me. My girlfriend had run off somewhere and I had no idea when she would get back, and I was kind of worried she wouldn't get back in time for us to leave.
Then I was at this really frilly, fancy house in the guest room, and the person I was apparently staying with had two little white yorkies. They were quite well behaved even though they had a lot of energy, and I was trying to get my dog to relax around them. Of course he was completely traumatized and scared and he kept hiding behind the frilly white curtains or under the poofy pink bed. I ended up telling the yorkies to calm down and just sit next to him, and eventually he showed signs of getting over it.
Suddenly I was at this stadium, and the three dogs were on leash. I was trying to get us through all these crowds of people headed for their seats, and I was with this really big extended family with a ton of kids, so we had to move slowly. My dog was done freaking out, and now I was trying to get him to stop yanking the leash around while also keeping the yorkies in check, and trying to hold a conversation with various family members in Spanish. As we walked, we passed a bunch of small but deep pools of very clear water just randomly in holes in the sidewalk. My dog jumped in and started swimming, and I was all excited because he was having a really good time. Eventually we got near our seats and I asked the family to hold the dogs for me while I ran into the bathroom, because I knew I would need to go before whatever we were going to watch started. There was a lot of confusion around the dogs because I didn't remember that much Spanish and we were still sorting it out when I woke up.
I was on a trip with my two college roommates (one of them being the girlfriend I'm always gushing over) and our hotel was basically a bunch of forts made out of sheets and clothespins over chairs and tables in this giant mall food court, complete with escalators, food (gluteny poisonous food) and random shopping. It was seriously random. I had woken up late and we were supposed to go on some tour of somewhere, and I was rushing trying to get ready, but I was so exhausted I could hardly move and I couldn't find any clothes besides my pajamas. I asked my non-girlfriend roommate if she had seen my stuff anywhere, but she hadn't, and she was busy sewing a quilt so she couldn't help me. My girlfriend had run off somewhere and I had no idea when she would get back, and I was kind of worried she wouldn't get back in time for us to leave.
Then I was at this really frilly, fancy house in the guest room, and the person I was apparently staying with had two little white yorkies. They were quite well behaved even though they had a lot of energy, and I was trying to get my dog to relax around them. Of course he was completely traumatized and scared and he kept hiding behind the frilly white curtains or under the poofy pink bed. I ended up telling the yorkies to calm down and just sit next to him, and eventually he showed signs of getting over it.
Suddenly I was at this stadium, and the three dogs were on leash. I was trying to get us through all these crowds of people headed for their seats, and I was with this really big extended family with a ton of kids, so we had to move slowly. My dog was done freaking out, and now I was trying to get him to stop yanking the leash around while also keeping the yorkies in check, and trying to hold a conversation with various family members in Spanish. As we walked, we passed a bunch of small but deep pools of very clear water just randomly in holes in the sidewalk. My dog jumped in and started swimming, and I was all excited because he was having a really good time. Eventually we got near our seats and I asked the family to hold the dogs for me while I ran into the bathroom, because I knew I would need to go before whatever we were going to watch started. There was a lot of confusion around the dogs because I didn't remember that much Spanish and we were still sorting it out when I woke up.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Suicide Party Mansion Exploring
Last night I was at this reunion of sorts in a dark, dingy house. A lot of my middle school friends who I hadn't seen in a really long time were there. The party eventually turned into a sleepover, and I kept trying to catch up with people but I was constantly falling asleep and having trouble participating. At one point, one of the people at the sleepover shot himself and committed suicide, and it was really disturbing. There was blood everywhere. Everyone was shocked and scared. We started looking through his backpack, trying to figure out why he had done it.
Then the setting changed from this dingy house to my grandparents' backyard, where the party was still going on only now it was a roleplay game involving my cousins. We each had a different anime character we were supposed to be portraying, but it was difficult because I didn't really get who I was supposed to be. My cousin had made up his own character, and everyone was making fun of him because he was being all emo. It was pretty funny actually. I decided to follow him around instead of trying to be part of the game anymore, because we hadn't talked in awhile. So we ended up walking around this pretty fantastical yard, with waterfalls and rocks to climb on and secret passages between all these fences. It turned into us avoiding the other people, and then we went inside the house, which turned out to actually be my house.
Apparently when my parents moved, they had moved to this mansion. Like, literally. The place was insanely huge and had endlesss staircases and hallways. My cousin wanted to show me this extra suite of rooms he had discovered that had a balcony outside, down this back staircase that was carpeted. It was funny because the inside of the mansion looked exactly like my real house, it just had like ten times more rooms. I was thinking about how crazy my parents had been to move the three of us into a mansion that could easily house about fifty people, and my cousin explained that he knew someone who was talking to my parents about turning half of the house into a hotel. Oh, I thought, that makes sense. Anyway, we explored for awhile, finding a huge living room full of fancy old world furniture, a patio with a koi pond just outside, and a large cafeteria full of people eating lunch. I then got this awesome idea to move my room into one of the more secluded parts of the house, and to see if I could move in next to a patio with backyard access because I figured my dog would like that. Then I woke up, amused.
Then the setting changed from this dingy house to my grandparents' backyard, where the party was still going on only now it was a roleplay game involving my cousins. We each had a different anime character we were supposed to be portraying, but it was difficult because I didn't really get who I was supposed to be. My cousin had made up his own character, and everyone was making fun of him because he was being all emo. It was pretty funny actually. I decided to follow him around instead of trying to be part of the game anymore, because we hadn't talked in awhile. So we ended up walking around this pretty fantastical yard, with waterfalls and rocks to climb on and secret passages between all these fences. It turned into us avoiding the other people, and then we went inside the house, which turned out to actually be my house.
Apparently when my parents moved, they had moved to this mansion. Like, literally. The place was insanely huge and had endlesss staircases and hallways. My cousin wanted to show me this extra suite of rooms he had discovered that had a balcony outside, down this back staircase that was carpeted. It was funny because the inside of the mansion looked exactly like my real house, it just had like ten times more rooms. I was thinking about how crazy my parents had been to move the three of us into a mansion that could easily house about fifty people, and my cousin explained that he knew someone who was talking to my parents about turning half of the house into a hotel. Oh, I thought, that makes sense. Anyway, we explored for awhile, finding a huge living room full of fancy old world furniture, a patio with a koi pond just outside, and a large cafeteria full of people eating lunch. I then got this awesome idea to move my room into one of the more secluded parts of the house, and to see if I could move in next to a patio with backyard access because I figured my dog would like that. Then I woke up, amused.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Middle School Stress Out
Most of my dream was about middle school. It was actually some sort of weird combination of my actual middle school experience and the art college I'm about to stop attending. I had five normal subjects, plus a homeroom class that was apparently a fashion class that was preparing us to be models (probably because I was watching America's Next Top Model the other day). I was sitting in my various classes, trying to figure out how many classes I could drop because I was really overwhelmed, but the year was really close to over so it was hard to decide- I didn't want to take algebra again later, and in English there was just one project left and I thought it was going to be fun- an essay about your imaginary friends and a self portrait (hahaha). Basically I had way too much to do but there was no good way to slow down. I hated homeroom because it was really hard for me- I had to conjure various weird fashion clothing out of thin air and onto myself, plus find makeup and glitter and jewelry that matched to have on my face, and all in front of the class. I thought my costume that day wasn't too bad, but I wasn't very happy with it and thought the class was pretty pointless. Oh yeah, and it was full of people from my art college, haha. I was pretty sad thinking about leaving and not getting to see them anymore, which obviously has a basis in real life.
After struggling to find a way to drop things while also trying to concentrate in math and English, it was finally lunchtime. I grabbed my stuff and followed one of my real middle school friends into the bathroom. I was tired and hungry and really wanted lunch, so of course everything started to go wrong. First, this guy from my elementary school ran into my friend and knocked her over while we were putting all of our stuff down on the floor (we each had about five different bags, and one of mine was a koala backpack for some reason o.O). My friend started crying and I ran over and hugged her, and it took her awhile to calm down. Meanwhile, the entire bathroom got really busy, and then there kept being things wrong with the toilets (as always happens to me when I dream about bathrooms). It took us what seemed like forever to get to our usual lunch spot, which was apparently in the school's carpeted ballroom (because that makes sense). Our other friends were there- high school friends this time- and it turned out to be after school and we were waiting for calls from our parents. I pulled all of my homework out, still trying to figure out how I was going to survive until the end of the semester. Another one of my friends was really grumpy because she'd gotten a B on something, which is funny because it's so her, and the friend who had gotten knocked down was just really quiet and unhappy. Pretty soon I realized I should start packing up to take all of my stuff home, still no closer to figuring out what I was going to do about having too many classes.
I started shoving things into my massive backpack, and as I did more things would form on the floor, so that there was always one more pencil, or folder, or sheet of paper to stow away. After awhile the items got sillier- tiny stubby pencils, or a fistful of rubberbands, or marti gras necklaces in Christmas colors. I woke up while I was still packing.
I feel like there was another dream in the middle of all of that in which my girlfriend and her new dog were at my grandparents' house, trying to introduce him to my dog, only I drifted off and had a dream about a house in a puzzle I'm working on. But I don't remember anything else about that.
After struggling to find a way to drop things while also trying to concentrate in math and English, it was finally lunchtime. I grabbed my stuff and followed one of my real middle school friends into the bathroom. I was tired and hungry and really wanted lunch, so of course everything started to go wrong. First, this guy from my elementary school ran into my friend and knocked her over while we were putting all of our stuff down on the floor (we each had about five different bags, and one of mine was a koala backpack for some reason o.O). My friend started crying and I ran over and hugged her, and it took her awhile to calm down. Meanwhile, the entire bathroom got really busy, and then there kept being things wrong with the toilets (as always happens to me when I dream about bathrooms). It took us what seemed like forever to get to our usual lunch spot, which was apparently in the school's carpeted ballroom (because that makes sense). Our other friends were there- high school friends this time- and it turned out to be after school and we were waiting for calls from our parents. I pulled all of my homework out, still trying to figure out how I was going to survive until the end of the semester. Another one of my friends was really grumpy because she'd gotten a B on something, which is funny because it's so her, and the friend who had gotten knocked down was just really quiet and unhappy. Pretty soon I realized I should start packing up to take all of my stuff home, still no closer to figuring out what I was going to do about having too many classes.
I started shoving things into my massive backpack, and as I did more things would form on the floor, so that there was always one more pencil, or folder, or sheet of paper to stow away. After awhile the items got sillier- tiny stubby pencils, or a fistful of rubberbands, or marti gras necklaces in Christmas colors. I woke up while I was still packing.
I feel like there was another dream in the middle of all of that in which my girlfriend and her new dog were at my grandparents' house, trying to introduce him to my dog, only I drifted off and had a dream about a house in a puzzle I'm working on. But I don't remember anything else about that.
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